Beowulf: Return To The Shieldlands.

[Goatboy]

Just watched episode one of this new series and although I know its an adaptation of saga, a poem, a fiction it will have the teeth and buttocks clenched of folk like Dreadhead & Wayland. From the bad CGI (big heavy troll leaving no trace when on soft sand), the Gustav Klimt inspired bed curtains and great hall, and the ludicrous weapons. Oh and the opening credits and especially the music is a complete GOT rip off. I'll not go on, it almost made The B****** Executioner look good... Almost. Oh and the acting is awful too. I'll not seek out episode two.

Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[GGTBod]

i never got past 20 mins of ep 1, such a shame really as the times they show it the scenery of the north east looks amazing and if it had been great it could have done good for the area, still wouldn't be surprised if it done well in US, the bstard execuitioner was a low blow though Colin lol it's bad but not that bad

 

[Goatboy]

It was nice to see Joanne Whalley in something again, always liked her.


Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[GGTBod]

I'll give it another chance and try and get through the whole episode next time i am itching to waste an hour with nowt else to watch, I liked Joanne when she was in Willow

 

[Dreadhead]

I've got the first episode on my laptop but can't bring myself to watch it. I think if I do my laptop screen may not last long before having a boot put through it so I'm holding off for now haha

 

[Goatboy]

Make a nice mug of tea, a packet of Borders Dark Chocolate Gingers ®, some rose tinted glasses and remove all sharp and heavy objects from reach. It may still cause bad drama induced Tourette's syndrome but the laptop should remain safe.

It's bad, we should maybe form a self help group for folk who have been affected by badly researched and made dramas? I can see the first meeting: -
(Me) "Hi! My names Goatboy and I scream out loud when I see heeled shoes and ridiculously ornate and ill balanced weapons in a pre 11th century set drama."
(All) "Hi Goatboy."



Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[Dark Horse Dave]

I'm a complete philistine when it comes to this sort of thing and don't give a hoot for any sort of authenticity of costume, weaponry or whatever. I spent a pleasant hour watching it last night, thinking what a refreshing change from the normal Sunday evening TV watching in our house (think Larkfoot to Downrise etc etc )

 

[British Red]

Its not as bad as the Uhtred adaptation surely?

 

[Goatboy]

Its not as bad as the Uhtred adaptation surely?

If not on a par I'd say slightly worse. It's telly made by a rather dumb committee.

Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[British Red]

I'll save my limited viewing time then Colin - couldn't abide the Uhtred thing despite loving the books - it was just so banal and dumbed down. I suspect that I'm just better off reading historical fiction than watching it!

 

[Goatboy]

I just got a Kindle copy of The Last Kingdom free as a deal for books I bought before Christmas. Going to start it tonight. Looking forward to it. It's a shame as I love the whole sword & sorcery/ sandle genre but when they put it into visual medium it tends to be lazily done. Loved R E Howard's Conan books yet the films were pants. Think the GOT series is well done, cleverly done and entertaining, but it's a rare pearl in a field of pig muck.

Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[British Red]

Think you will find the book a horse of a different colour, indeed they skipped most of it, changed the characters, their ages and the events for the TV. Uniformly for the worse. The book is great.

 

[Goatboy]

Will let you know what I think once I'm in there. Looking forward to it.

Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[GGTBod]

Aye GOT books are graphic and everyone who is young is much younger and the old are as descriptively old as you can get, i know it's a cliché but the books are always better even if and when they do an amazing job of the tv or movie adaptation

 

[crosslandkelly]

I'm sorry, but you're all wrong. The effects are first rate, costumes and props are period perfect, brilliantly scripted and acted, dialog is just as the Vikings and Danes would have spoken. Yes, SWMBO loved it. Her only criticism was the lack of horned helms.

 

[CLEM]

The trailer was bad enough for me. Truly awful.

 

[GGTBod]

It is the same crucial thing that infuriates me about stuff like this, i know i know the costumes and decor etc etc they might as well be wearing digital watches, i could almost forgive all that but for me it is how clean everybody is that really gets under my skin, immaculate complexions and pearly white teeth and nails, instead of trying to follow plot or get immersed in the period i just find myself swearing at the screen in disgust, the first time i found myself swearing through my teeth at the tv for this was when i tried to watch a movie about Jack the ripper with Johnny Depp in called From Hell, being about JTR obviously the movie was filled with ladies of the night offering their nightly wares, everyone of them had immaculate complexions and perfect pearly white teeth, i'm no history buff but i seem to remember being taught Victorian Era London to be a little bit filthy

 

[Goatboy]

Funny a lot of historians feel the opposite. A lot of films show folk covered in mud and glarr, when in reality folk would have taken more care of their appearance. Monty Python & The Holy Grail even made fun of it by having everyone dressed in brown and covered in poo. Folk would've taken care of their clothes as the were expensive and wouldn't work or last properly if they were filthy all the time. Medieval life wasn't the dirty muddy drudge that we were taught as kids. Colour was pretty important, look at the early tellings of the likes of Robin Hood and they spend ages talking about the clothes and what colours they were. (Some schools of thought put this down to entertaining the newish merchant class that were doing very well out of the wool trade).
Maybe Toddy could come in on this one as she's a heap of knowledge on this subject and some of the colours she can pull out of natural things (not the muddy brown that poor Baldrick always wore) is amazing. Personally I love the fantastic yellow that comes from onion skins, it's really beautiful.
You're probably on the money with the Jack The Ripper time slot though (not my period of real interest) as space and access to water/sanitation did see a big dip in personal hygiene amongst the.lower classes.

Sent via smoke-signal from a woodland in Scotland.

 

[Dreadhead]

My gripe is why call a show "vikings" or "beowulf" when they are clearly 99% fantasy with no viking element.

I know what you mean about everybody being so clean, but also get Goatboys point. Yes, dark ages and medieval fashion was acually very bright, and people would have kept themselves as clean as possible. However, their methods, routines, and resources for washing were very different so I think they would have at least got rather grubby pretty quickly depending on their role in society. Somewhere in between pristine pearly teeth actors and covered in poo would be nice

 

[British Red]

I certainly think the pearly white teeth is a problem. Bear in mind the old kids comics with one of the kids gang always had a bandage round their jaw (abcess) and people giving their daughters the gift of having all their teeth pulled.

For all of the historical inaccuracy, my main problem with the Uhtred adaptation is that it was just badly done. Bear in mind that the Sharpe adaptations of the same author were pretty damned good - so it can be done well. All the pathos and drama of the original Uhtred story were lost - he should be a young lad at puberty at the hall burning, he spends ages learning battle skills doesn't miaracuolously just "know" them etc.

Doubtless the idea of a 12 or 13 year old boy sleeping with a girl and going to war, however historically accurate, would offend the Mary Whitehouse brigade of curtain twitchers so all the grit and drama has been cleaned up - and the story os worse for it.