Any ex military here?

Caerleon

Full Member
Feb 9, 2015
147
0
West Mid's
Try not to be too offended with the humour, the army (and presume RN/RAF) have an acquired taste when it comes to seeing the funny side of things - but maybe that's early days yet for him to get back to that place.

And :You_Rock_ for taking the time & effort to try and help somebody who has served their country and now needs a helping hand, wish I was a little closer I would be more than happy to stand dinner and a pint with you guys ;-) especially after your own experience recently.
 
Last edited:
Dec 10, 2015
422
183
South Wales
I find working with civvies incredibly hard work especialy when it comes to being "PC" but I have managed to hold down a normal and luckily a fairly well paid job with my wife's support. I find solitude now and again helps me I'm lucky I live in a area where I can just disappear into the woods or find a lonely tarn to fish. I think I'm an odd one though as my old trade was an forward observer so any one sitting in a hole and ****ting in bags must be odd:lmao:
 

Lizz

Absolute optimist
May 29, 2015
352
2
Cardiff
I did hospital visiting in Selly Oak in Brum for returning injured service personnel. I found that a lot of the lads wanted to not talk about what had happened (except in the last five minutes of a visit) we had a good laugh talking a lot about bushcraft and knotting and hammocks and bad kit. A lot about bad kit and good kit, I mean a lot, they give people in this forum a real run for their money.

with one bloke I talked about game keeping and poaching - he'd done both a fair amount. We talked a lot about good places to visit in the UK - this was sometimes a way for people to talk about the injury they'd sustained - would they be able to get up a hill, what about not being able to see properly anymore, were there good pubs.

Sometimes the bloke I'd be with would just be furious about something and would only grind stuff out. But that was ok. It was ok for him to be furious, it was a pretty furious making experience he'd had.

I only talked with people who wanted someone to talk with them even if when it came to it they wanted me to talk and them to listen - I had a mental list in advance of stuff that might be interesting - books, something on the radio, camping disasters, bushcraft, food foraging, films I'd seen. With one guy he wanted me to read all the Just William books - his mum read him them when he was a kid, he'd been blinded by an ied and having a nice middle aged lady read to him worked for him.

I've worked with a lot of ex-servicemen in prison and in adult education - almost all had a sense of humour - dark, mucky, crazy, sardonic - but there, almost all had some great stories, almost everyone I met had had ptsd to a greater or lesser degree (by their admission not by me guessing), almost all hated how crap and empty it felt being out and struggled to find mates - and that the legion was all people my dads age (nearly ninety) so ok if you were looking for a grandad figure! Quite a few felt like something had gone badly wrong between going into service and coming out in the rest of the world.

One of the lads I visited in hospital started writing to someone on death row in the US - he found a way to be useful in his own eyes, and got to chat with someone worse off with him - his words. He felt it stopped him being a ****.

So, your neighbour. Sounds like you're doing the reaching out - he may or may not respond - not all who wander are lost, he may be ok, but he might not be and what you're doing might be the thing he needs right now.. Good on you.
 

wales1

Full Member
Aug 3, 2011
134
9
dumfriesshire
If he's not long out of mechanised, he's most likely toured the dust in afghan/Iraq. Driving about in caged up landrovers, he has most likely encountered the carnage of IED's. Best bet is to just show an interest, ask him where he has been on tour, may well open up and tell you the stories about **** issued kit and some dramatic happenings. However, if he doesn't open up then leave the service talk. With regards to holding down a job, may well just be unlucky, or just not skilled up in the civvy arena

Either way, pretty sure a relaxed open convo is the way to go. Just don't be surprised if he is just generally outraged at civvies workplace mentality and that ptsd or some other combat related infliction is nothing to do with the job issue :)

Steve
 

nephilim

Settler
Jul 24, 2014
871
0
Bedfordshire
Well an evening with my neighbour...around a dozen bottles of beer between us (home brew, so around 8% a bottle), and a few stories later...

Did some tours on Operation Herrick and Telic. Showed me some pictures with squad mates. He got very emotional. I didn't bring anything up, I just sat and listened.

I'm a little worse for wear but been at his house since around 6ish or so...think he feels better. He'll be over on Christmas day after the kids and Mrs have gone to mother in laws
 

RE8ELD0G

Settler
Oct 3, 2012
882
12
Kettering
Most of my teenage life was preparing myself for my Army career.
Studying what i needed at school and going to 3 different detachments of army cadets every week for over 8 years.
Running and cycling everywhere to get fit.
It was all i ever wanted to do since i was a young kid and its still what i want to do now.

I made it 4 years and loved every second of it, bad sadly hurt my back during a mud run and was medically discharged.

11 Years later and i still cant find a job i like or want, cant get qualifications i need or afford the courses either.

I have been diagnosed with a kind of unsettled syndrome (cant remember the proper name for it) and i may never be able to adjust properly.
Its really hard for me and other like me as people dont understand what its like to literally have no idea what to do with yourself everyday.
No matter what sort of job you get, its never the same as the Army life and just doesnt feel right. That then makes you depressed and bored and ultimately you quit to try something else.
 

nephilim

Settler
Jul 24, 2014
871
0
Bedfordshire
Ended up having a chicken roast. He explained he finds it hard to get a job that gives him the same discipline the military have. He wouldn't join the police, because he tried, but the numbers got cut so his acceptance to the force got changed to a rejection. Obviously it upset him and made him feel dejected and just went from bad to worse there.

The closest in terms of physical demand was working for Amazon, and he kept up with what they were asking with ease, but was on a zero hours contract and in the end, just gave up. Lack of discipline within the role made him lose interest.

From there it was working in retail (tesco, jd sports, pets at home). Not the role he desired but did it to keep money coming in. Now he's looking at working in a school as the assistant site agent. Won't be living on site but gives him a chance to be useful, allowing him to fix things as he was a sort of handy man, fixing things for married people in his unit. Fixing the odd thing here and there for barracks homes like shelves etc, painting etc.

He did say how bad military housing is...neutral colours, can't have any wall fixings etc. I didn't realise it was that strict I have to say.

The site agent job is hopefully going to give him direction in life, if not the discipline as I gave him a talk, saying how nothing will compare to the military in terms of discipline.

He left with a smile on his face. Will see him again tomorrow. Going to see if he fancies a walk to the woods near our house.
 

adestu

Native
Jan 19, 2010
1,718
3
swindon
Considering your recent bad luck its commendable what you are doing.
Have you managed to replace the custom knife you had taken from you?
 

nephilim

Settler
Jul 24, 2014
871
0
Bedfordshire
The police have the knife in their possession. I won't get it back until the whole ordeal is dealt with. It's been just shy of a week now and I doubt I'll get the axe or anything back, however a few people have stepped in and sent me some bits to keep me going. I've promised to either pay them back when I'm in employment or send the item back when/if I get mine back.

As for what I'm doing, I'm just helping a person out by offering a shoulder. Many people in the area think he's a weird person, but they haven't had the chance to sit and listen to him like I have done recently. Hopefully I'll have a good friend in him, as he seems a decent chap beneath the exterior
 

jeremyctry

Tenderfoot
Feb 13, 2015
59
2
United States
Thanks. I'm not sure of his unit. All I know is that he was in the mechanised ifantry, but a Google of them lists a wide array of units.

There is a RBL place not far from me, well it's 3 bus trips, but grand scheme not far, I could make a trip down and ask for advice. I've never heard of SSAFA before this thread so I'll check them out too.

My question is how do I help without seeming intrusive? We're friendly and we'll share a cup of tea together and he's been to our house for bbq etc, but generally doesn't talk about his military life, so I don't push it.

Thanks guys.


I'm a vet and although I can't speak for us all when it comes to talking about my experiences in the war if you aren't a vet it won't happen period. It's just a policy of mine nothing personal although it drives my wife nuts I just won't have that conversation with someone who has no point of reference. But I don't get offended if someone brings it up or asks about it. So just ask him if he doesn't want to talk he'll tell you. Either way follow his lead. And if he does decide to talk about it with you be direct with whatever questions you ask, if he answer them great if not don't try to force the issue. That way he'll see you aren't using kid gloves but still respect his boundaries.
 

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