Any ex military here?

[nephilim]

Quick question. Are there any ex military here?

If so, how did you adjust to civilian life after? I'm not military in any way other than my dad serving when I was a small child, but I'm curious as to how you went from (what I assume) was a life of rules and regulations to a life with few rules and regulations.

I'm asking as there is a chap that lives near me, and he struggles to hold down a job, and any advice or anything I can do to help him would be appreciated.

 

[tiger stacker]

Can do attitude helps, being able to work with the good bad and the down right lazy is a challenge. Steer him towards https://www.ssafa.org.uk/ they are attuned to those having left.Each capbadge should have a home headquarters that can assist most problems, not everything is solved by money. Being Glasgow the choice of jobs was abundant, joining the local reserves also helped. hopes this helps

 

[Damascus]

There are lots of ex military who have left and hold jobs down, the first question to ask him is why, there may be other issues he hasn't addressed or come to terms with.

PTSD comes to mind, not every one gets it but that could be why, has he spoken to someone, rules and regulations are guides in the military and there are just as many in civilian life and unless you have held senior rank, there is less responsibility in the military.

its very difficult to give a best solution to your request as so many variables to what may be a simple solution.

i hope this is of some help, from an ex soldier

 

[nephilim]

Thanks. I'll pop over tomorrow. He always seems happy externally, but he seems to go from job for 6 months to unemployed for a bit, then another job, then unemployed etc. Just want to see how I can help without seeming intrusive.

 

[Brynglas]

Yes, as tiger stacker mentioned, SSAFA and the British Legion would be a good place to start. And his unit woukdmusually have some sort of association. There will be help available to him out there.

 

[nephilim]

Thanks. I'm not sure of his unit. All I know is that he was in the mechanised ifantry, but a Google of them lists a wide array of units.

There is a RBL place not far from me, well it's 3 bus trips, but grand scheme not far, I could make a trip down and ask for advice. I've never heard of SSAFA before this thread so I'll check them out too.

My question is how do I help without seeming intrusive? We're friendly and we'll share a cup of tea together and he's been to our house for bbq etc, but generally doesn't talk about his military life, so I don't push it.

Thanks guys.

 

[Mick721]

I'm ex military and find that following a life of rules and regulations helps me in my work.

Maybe he just doesn't like civvies! A lot of us don't

Seriously though there could be underlying problems there. Part of the issue with PTSD is soldiers don't like to be thought of as weak so don't like to 'go public' with there problems.

 

[Brynglas]

You could just call,them up and let them know your concerns, they may just pick it up from there.

 

[Stevie777]

Thanks. I'll pop over tomorrow. He always seems happy externally, but he seems to go from job for 6 months to unemployed for a bit, then another job, then unemployed etc. Just want to see how I can help without seeming intrusive.

It's just a sign of the times mate. The days of long term employment are long gone. Even the local councils are hiring and firing before they need to pay out things like holiday or severance pay.
80% of new apprenticeships are in dead end menial task jobs. It's a way for employers to get round the minimum wage. It's no wonder people are disillusioned in the work place and have zero interest in the company they are working for. 6 months work could be seen as a bonus in some places.

I know a guy who was 59 when he started an apprenticeship with a supermarket giant stacking shelves and collecting the trollies.

 

[SCOMAN]

I'm ex military, did 22 years in the grey funnel lines, joined at 16 left at 38. I left took two weeks off when I finished and started a new job which included relocating to the other end of the country. I found my military discipline put me in good stead, if I was unsure of what to do or how to act I took the default setting which allowed me to gain experience and slowly take a different approach to things. I still leap out of bed if I need to be going anywhere, kit and personal care, detail, its up there. I did know a few people that having served in 6 - 10 years left the mob and immediately cut themselves off from anything naval related including close friends. Within 9 - 18 months they were back in, 'jobs were sh*t', 'nobody treated you with respect' etc etc. There are a number of support networks available but if some chose not to use them well.....!
The chap living next to you may be struggling with how to go about things without being branded as 'a dumb ex forces guy who has to be told what to do, where to be exactly'. If it is PTSD, and I daresay there wouldn't be many on here who could make a proper diagnosis, then SSAFA, RBL etc definitely but be careful, he may not be interested in discussing it with you. He could just be searching about looking for a hook to hang his peg on, I'm out 7 years, been with the same firm all that time and enjoy many aspects of my work. Do I really know what I want to do when I grow up? Do I hell.
An alternative approach, and if your interested, be a chum to him he could simply be pining for that close knit friendship we all had and still miss. If he asks if you're interested in doing the dance of the flaming a&*holes though just say no and offer him a beer. ;-)

 

[Caerleon]

If he asked about the dance of the flaming a**holes and your not in a a group of like minded lads then I would run ;-)

I should imagine there is a shed load of ex-squads/matlows & RAF lads on here. Most military suffer from a 'we're it and your sh!t' attitude (shoot me down here but that's certainly my experience). In the military there is a culture of 'better than you'; best inter regiment/ best inter-unit etc etc, one of the biggest things I think we were all conditioned to think was civvies were at the lower end of that spectrum. Then all of a sudden your one of them, often isolated and alone. If you don't have strong family/friends/job and attitude then its a downward spiral. I left the infantry many moons ago and within weeks was homeless and on my tod, it was crap by any standards. I would personally gauge his receptiveness to a beer and to chew the fat, if your strong enough I am sure he would over time let off steam with you, and take that as a big complement ;-)

Would be interested to see how you get on. Not every guy/lady that puts on a uniform is the same and some just handle things differently - in the same way a civvie does except they (military) have often been exposed to far more traumatic experiences. Like a mint imperial I wager (hard shell soft centre!) ;-)

 

[kaiAnderson]

i was in but maybe luckily i just did 3 years from bout 18-21 ish so when i came out i went back to uni and i think being so young and in for a relatively short time helped. i still have no time now for for "wasters" and even though ive been out a few years now still feel i have the military discipline.

 

[SCOMAN]

If he asked about the dance of the flaming a**holes and your not in a a group of like minded lads then I would run ;-)

I should imagine there is a shed load of ex-squads/matlows & RAF lads on here. Most military suffer from a 'we're it and your sh!t' attitude (shoot me down here but that's certainly my experience). In the military there is a culture of 'better than you'; best inter regiment/ best inter-unit etc etc

We never had this in the Navy, as senior service we knew we were the best ��

 

[widu13]

We never had this in the Navy, as senior service we knew we were the best ��

Yep, so senior that they had to make their own army of redcoats because the army refused to staff the ships for defence. Obviously the sailors could pull a long rope and wash the deck but not defend themselves. They called these so called soldiers marines.

 

[SCOMAN]

Yep, so senior that they had to make their own army of redcoats because the army refused to staff the ships for defence. Obviously the sailors could pull a long rope and wash the deck but not defend themselves. They called these so called soldiers marines.

Well someone had to keep the near drunk matelots in line!

Bootneck Bootneck can't catch me ;-)

 

[Caerleon]

I nearly got busted once for 'bringing the army into disrepute' - was down in Pompey on an assault boat course, one evening in the NAAFI I dropped a pound coin at the bar. Having a bit of banter with the 'senior service' lads ;-) I refused to pick it up and become one of the golden rivet club - Turned out a CPO overheard and called our RSM to complain - ah the fun back in them days lol.

 

[nephilim]

Thanks for the advice guys. I went to the legion this morning, and they've given me some leaflets and some advice on how to try to get him to come out of his shell. They mentioned that if he's feeling lonely, or depressed he could be at risk, so for Christmas day, whilst the mrs goes to her mums (I hate the MIL, so refuse to go), I've invited him round. I will do a quick meal, some home brew beer (not the bathtub kind) and hopefully try and cheer him up.

If anyone has any topics they think I could raise - Family and career being out, and I know he isn't a big sports fan - then all the better. I've made myself available tomorrow should he want the company.

 

[Stevie777]

For christ sake dont get drunk and tell him about the despicable 5, He might slip the uniform on one last time and go on covert ops....with you watching his six.

Seriously though, See how he fancies getting into Bushcraft with you, Gives him a new hobby and gives you the confidence to get back out there knowing you have a trained, but controlled, yet highly capable killing machine as a Bushbuddy.

Merry Christmas..

 

[nephilim]

Good thought about the bushcraft, I didn't think of it myself, because I figured the last thing he may want is to be outside in crap weather and it remind him of times when things weren't so good, but he may well be interested. I'll see what he says if he says I can visit tomorrow.

 

[Damascus]

Think the best thing is, to be a friend and just be there and not judgemental.

As they say a friend in need, is a pain in the neck, lol!!!