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Your most heroic failure (s)

Discussion in 'Bushcraft Chatter' started by nickliv, Oct 25, 2009.

  1. nickliv

    nickliv Settler

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    What is it?

    Mine?

    In a storm of biblical proportions, and having a 'robopoo' imminent (The sort where you get 9 seconds to comply) having dashed out of a bothy, spade in one hand, rapidly disintegrating bog roll in the other, jacket flapping wildly, I quickly turned over the earth, dropped em, and let go.

    Into the hood of my nearly new berghaus.

    I suspect it would have been less heroic if I'd put the hood up afterwards, but thankfully I didn't.

    The jacket spent the night in the stream, and is still giving good service.


    Alternatively whilst building my new garage, I ascended the ladder for the last time of the day, did what I had to, and stepped from the top of the wall, back onto the ladder. Which moved sideways, not being tied on and all. I fell forwards onto the roof, wildly scrabbling for grip, found none, and slipping over the edge of the roof,

    I pushed myself away from the building, turned through 180 degrees and landed. Face down, 10 feet below where I'd started. Nose and teeth were a bit sore, so I ran my tongue over the teeth to check for unpleasant, painful, and no doubt expensive breakages, but happily found none.

    I then brought a hand up to check if my nose was bleeding / broken, and indulge me if you will. Close your eyes and tough your nose with your index finger. I bet you get within an inch of the tip.

    I couldn't. I really couldn't. I couldn't find my face with my whole right hand. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked. My hand, although attached to the rest of me, was in a new and rather jaunty place, an inch above and behind where it should have been, and inclined back at about 45 degrees.

    My mate, having heard the commotion came out, whereupon I told him I'd broken my wrist.
    I then looked to my left, and corrected myself. I told him I'd broken both my wrists.

    There followed an ambulance ride, many many drugs (the best being good old laughing gas) doctors, X rays, more doctors, a 4 1/2 hour operation, 4 more days in hospital, 2 weeks of being absolutely incapable, someone putting food in one end of me, and dealing with what came out of the other (Mercifully infrequent, another benefit of opiates) and another 6 weeks of being catastrophically bored, yet glad of the rest, whilst all the while being incredibly angry with my stupidity and frustrated.

    Those 6 weeks came to an end a year ago today, and apart from a slight weakness in the left wrist, I'm getting on OK.

    (I know that building a garage doesn't seem bushcrafty, but it is almost 100% timber, albeit cut to size in the builders yard)

    What're yours?
     
  2. TeeDee

    TeeDee Full Member

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    Thank you for posting!!! I have just pebbled dashed the works monitor with my bowl of frosties!!..Lol

    You have given me a new term of reference for that very 'special' feeling.!!

    Cheers.


     
  3. Wilderbeast

    Wilderbeast Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    that was brilliant, have you ever considered stand up :D:D:D:D:D!!!!!!
     
  4. wentworth

    wentworth Settler

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    great story! You made me double take, haqd to check I'd read it correctly :)
     
  5. Air Pirate

    Air Pirate Tenderfoot

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    I have a heroic failure every time my wife asks me to light a fire for somebody else. The words "Hey Honey, show them how you can start a fire with your firesteel!" instantly produces an anti-fire force field around me which even lighter fluid and lifeboat matches can not penetrate.
     
  6. Adze

    Adze Native

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  7. Beorn

    Beorn Member

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    Biggest almost accident was with a group of youths doing some late night caching in the woods around our home town. As you all can imagine, some of them got lost and it took us six hours to collect all of them! Since then I count them every fifteen minutes and they all call me mother hen.
     
  8. Logit

    Logit Forager

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    Whilst setting up our hammocks, myself and a couple of mates got onto the normal, my hammocks better than yours discussions... pros, cons and personal advantages.

    I have a Hennessey, they have DD.

    So the night went on, and the beer flowed, two of us decided to go to bed, the other stayed to put the fire out so i got in my Hennessey no problem, as did one of my friends... the usual 10 minutes of getting comfy, and then a huge ripping sound followed, i shone my torch over to where my friend used to be hanging, alas he was 5 foot lower than he should have been. to drunk to bother, he stayed lying on the floor...

    minutes later, and after much jeering, my other friend got into his DD hammock, again the usual 10 minutes of getting comfy etc.... then, yes you guessed it, another loud ripping sound...... this time i shone the torch on the floor where I expected his hammock to be, and it was!

    They both stayed lying on the floor..... and will never live it down!
     
  9. Klenchblaize

    Klenchblaize Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    I'll not attempt to compete with that and hope I never come close although I'm sure the day is just around the corner when something goes uncomfortable wrong with my pre-dawn woods based ablutions!!

    Guess I can only hope it doesn't involve a high seat too as that would take some explaining to A&E!:eek:

    Cheers
     
  10. launditch1

    launditch1 Maker Plus and Trader

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    Robopoo is just genius!Thanks for the laugh:D

    I once tried to light an army hexi stove and had trouble getting the block to light so in my infinate wisdom i poured some petrol on it.
    That worked.
    I then watched a neat little trail of fire go from the stove to the petrol can.
    I freaked out and kicked the can over.
    Cue:inferno
    All this took place in my parents garage by the way...

    Flames up the wall into the roof,felt and joists on fire.
    Had to find my parents and tell them,er,the garage is on fire.
    30 mins and 2 fire engines later all was good.

    I never knew how hard my father could kick until that moment:buttkick:

    This was over 25 years ago and it still haunts me:eek:
    I can still see tar drips down the walls on my folks wall.

    Theres a lesson here somewhere!
     
  11. spamel

    spamel Banned

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    My big failure bushcraft wise would be fire lighting at Wharneclife Crags with my Dad and brother on a camping trip a fair few years ago. I had a fireflash and couldn't get the tinder to light at all, so we didn't have a fire that night. I had practised for weeks but not in the rain, so failure was almost inevitable.

    I had another failure on Wharnecliff just the other week with The Ratbag and Scruff where I couldn't get my Optimus Nova+ to light for love nor money. I ended up field stripping it in my Tilley hat, wiping the few parts down and re-assembling the stove. Failure turned into success as it roared into life first time afterwards, the brew was done in no time.
     
  12. Shewie

    Shewie Mod
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    None bushcrafty but equally as dumb.

    In my youth I spent most of my life on a push bike of some description. One particular day was slipstreaming one of those little shopper buses down a hill about 1/2 mile long, at the bottom of the hill was a tight right hand bend followed by a humpback bridge. As the bus hit the brakes for the corner I never touched mine but slipped down the inside of the bus instead. Trying to be all cocky I thought I'd made it until crossing over the bridge I hit a stationary Ford Granada at about 20mph.
    I don't know how many somersaults I did but I know I landed on my face and left shoulder.

    One broken collar bone, two broken teeth and a very bent bike. Got two weeks off school though :D
     
  13. Mesquite

    Mesquite Anyone for sailing?

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    Can't say I've done anything as memorable as some folks have but my worst moment was when I was about 6 or 7 and was playing blindmans bluff at school and was wearing the blindfold.

    Ran full pelt smack straight into a tree :eek: knocking myself out. Came too a few minutes later with the most enormous bump in the middle of my forehead wondering where the hell I was. Ended up with 2 black eyes and connecting bruise so it looked like I was wearing a mask :rolleyes:

    Another dumb thing I did was shutting the sliding patio door one night as my father was going in and out lugging some gear in. He didn't see I'd shut it and walked straight through it :eek: Damage was the end of his nose being sliced off :yikes: . Off he goes to hospital with end of nose in a bag of ice. Comes back with a great big ball of cotton wool stitched onto his nose :rolleyes: He still has the scars to this date
     
  14. listenclear

    listenclear Nomad

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    Great thread!

    On my 17th birthday myself and some friends were celebrating in a pub:beerchug: . After a few drinks it seemed like a great idea to do the whisky shelf - you know, start with the one one the furthest left and work towards the other end...
    Well about half way along i excused myself to go to the gents. After struggling to say upright whilst peeing i did what all good boys do and washed my hands. Looking for a place to dry them i spotted a paper towel dispenser. In my drunken state i thew my hand up into it to get a towel only to get the fright of my life as i felt a surge of electricity go through me:eek: .
    Yup you guessed it, it wasn't a paper towel dispenser it was a broken electric hand drier :banghead: - SWEET!

    Needed my whisky after that! I've always wondered how dangerous that was...
     
  15. joejoe

    joejoe On a new journey

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    your real name is billy connelly , isnt it,one of the best posts yet:lmao: :lmao:
     
  16. CBJ

    CBJ Native

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    My most heroic failure would have to be a couple of years back.

    I decided to have a go at making a sounding horn and so i clamped the horn into a vice and the vice fixed on to the work bench. Now I had to only drill through the solid section at the tip of the cow horn wich was about 3 or 4 inches. So I started to drill but alas due to the shape of the horn it kept wobbling in the clamp and I had to hold it. I drew a straight edge on the outside of the horn so I knew if the drill bit came through accidently my hand wouldnt be
    in the way. Abot 3 min later I was nearly through and decided to apply a bit more pressure as the 10mm drill bit was hitting a tough patch. I heard the satisfying sound as the bit came through into the chamber of the horn but as it did so the drill decided to follow the curve of the horn and out the other side and you guessed it right into my hand. Surprisingly I didnt feel any pain first of I just stood there looking at the drill which was going through the horn into my hand. When I treid to pull it back it was so tangled in skin and fat the it wouldnt budge so I clicked the drill into reverse and watched all untangle before me. It looked like I had a long curling quaver attached to my hand.
     
  17. Chinkapin

    Chinkapin Settler

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    Many years ago my wife and I had to leave the house that we were renting due to it having been sold. We had a great deal of difficulty locating another rental property in our area and ultimately had to move 9 miles away into the country. The house had a floor furnace but it was not large enough to heat the house in the winter.

    We had noticed that the house had a brick chimney in the living room and I thought that If we installed a wood stove we would finally be warm. I enquired of the owner if it would be alright if I installed a stove and he assured me it would be alright. He even told me that there was plenty of wood on the property and that I could cut fire wood from it.

    So, I obtained a stove, installed it and spent about two weeks cutting wood. Eventually I carried some wood into the house, gathered up some kindling and newspaper and began to light my fire. The stove commenced to smoke terribly, and It would not "draw." The house rapidly filled with smoke and we were all choking.

    My wife pulled open the doors and threw open the windows as I attempted to remove the smoldering wood from the stove.

    I announced to everyone that the chimney must be clogged with a birds nest or something. I ran outside, grabbed my ladder and just as I was setting it up against the roof, I noticed for the first time that something was missing. The chimney! There was no chimney sticking out of the roof! Apparently it had been removed and the roof re-shingled over the spot where it had once been.

    I felt like a complete idiot, that I had never bothered to check out the chimney prior to getting the stove and becoming a lumberjack. When I told the owner of the house about it, he felt as stupid as I did. He was the one who had removed it some years before.

    I got rid of the stove and gave the substantial woodpile away. I still, to this day, am embarrassed if I think about this idiotic "stunt."
     
  18. Mastino

    Mastino Settler

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    My not so bushcrafty one:

    One evening I noticed a parked car with the driver still in it. On the left front wheel I noticed some fluid substance, called the attention of the driver and told him that he might be loosing some brake fluid. Whilst telling him this, I rubbed the fluid between my fingers and with an air of expertise sniffed the stuff. The guy, with great flegmatism, told me that just a minute before a dog peed on his left front wheel. With even greater flegmatism I nodded and left the scene as soon as possible.
     
  19. shep

    shep Maker

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    Robopoo is now in my vocabulary:You_Rock_.

    Not so great was the time I had a similar calling half way up a very steep canyon. After perfectly executing the manoevre I stepped back to start digging only to find that on the dry ground my offering was rolling downhill towards me. Picture a Super Mario-esque log-jumping game and a spectacular failure.
    Despite much effort with a stick, but with no water around, I had to walk for another 3 hours with my friends 20 paces upwind.
     
  20. Man of Tanith

    Mod

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    my most heroic failure is possibly tomorrow when i attempt to cook pheasent on an open fire.
    prior to that would be the night i set up my new hammock settled in only to realise i had not brought enough blankets, add to this a large dose of dandelion coffee i was up n down all night to relieve myself.

    some of my favourites i have seen friends do include relieving themselves and trying to read a notice above a fence walking forwards still relieving themselves until the flow hits the fence.... the sign said danger electric fence....

    another was watxhng a mate struggle to light the fire using a spark stick and back of his mora, after 20 minutes of trying he threw them both down and declared that ray mears was a expletive delted liar. i then picked them both up and lit it straight off. to say he wasnt pleased is an understatement.

    Sam
     

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