On dealing with neighbours

[Tengu]

...Or just being better friends with them. I have little idea what to do. Can you make any suggestions?

 

[wingstoo]

Take them a bunch of flowers from your garden, just because.

 

[Tengu]

There are no flowers in my garden.

 

[Niels]

Why do you ask? Are they not friendly?

 

[wingstoo]

There are no flowers in my garden.

Plant some quick growing flowers and then take them some.

 

[Tengu]

I feel I need a better relationship with them. I hardly know any of them. I live in a nice area and sometimes I wonder if Im missing out

 

[British Red]

When we moved we did a lot of things - extra cakes on bake day (we made too many cakes, wondered if you would like one?), same with jam, homebrew, etc.

Occasional interest in what they were doing outdoors (whats that mower you are using? A Ransomes tiple? Whats that?)

Oh....and in the summer - the barbecue. A classic.....

"Having a barbecue on Sunday for the neighbours....please come along".

This is now a tradition in our huge town of 5 houses and the farm. Everyone has one, but everyone brings stuff. Booze is all home made, as are the cakes, salad is home grown, meat is home reared, I grow the mustard, etc. Everyone has fun and its free (sort of). Takes time to get to that point, but you have to "put yourself out there". Its hard and can be a little nerve wracking - but really, wahts the worst that can happen? I hate the idea of "community" it smacks of a cardigan wearing social worker! But good neighbours and local friends are great to have.

 

[Scots_Charles_River]

When we had stacks of snow a couple of winters back, I met neighbours from all around as we clubbed together to keep the streets clear. Although my neighbour, now moved, stayed in and never helped but parked their car in the cleared street !

 

[Tengu]

Thanks very much, British Red, Im not brilliant at this social stuff (Though I can do some as you all know)

 

[British Red]

Thanks very much, British Red, Im not brilliant at this social stuff (Though I can do some as you all know)

You are braver than me Tengu - I can't do the Bushmoot!

Its worth it though. One of my neighbours is now amongst my (few) best friends - real gruff tinkerer that can make nearly anything. Sits and sups home brew with me and machines me gun parts from billets of Stainless.

This is him moving huge pile of brash for me on his 1953 tractor


1953 Fordson Major_1 by British Red, on Flickr

Then we drank beer on deck chairs till we reduced it to this


Tractor and fire_1 by British Red, on Flickr

He's a grand chap, and now comes and borrows the odd thing from me (a great honour as he has everything - its usually just an excuse to drop by, but I can't admit I know that )

The big thing is, don't try too hard! Make it informal, relaxed, a few drinks, somthing to eat, turn up when you like. All the best parties I have been to are like that. Formal things where people have to get dressed up are a hassle.

Don't push too hard - we have been here a few years and are just getting "accepted" - it takes time, and you have to be the one to make the effort - hard though it is - but its worth it

 

[johnnytheboy]

Off topic I know, but Scots Charles River is right, the only time i met my neighbours was when we had that big snow two years ago! maybe i need to make more of an effort as well!

 

[boatman]

Take in each others parcels, exchange the odd plant, discuss the weather and the sea state. Mind our own business as they do theirs. That'll do me.

 

[oldtimer]

Ask for help. Help them. ie reciprocate. We think our neighbours are great: they seem to like us. People face to face are just like the folk on this forum: they'll treat you the way you treat them. You come across on this forum as interesting to know, if a bit lonely. I'd share a meal and a drink if you lived next door- why should your neighbours be any different? It is a two way process.

 

[Bluezephyr]

Shame Christmas has gone, could start with giving cards out with your names and house number, generally if people are decent they will give one back.
BBQ time is coming, invites for all the neighbours. Has your area got a residents crime watch scheme, get into that.
I've struck up some decent friendships by just saying 'hello' when out and about.

 

[Stringmaker]

To try and engineer something by which you meet them is a bit tricky.

How long have you lived there?

We live in a small close, and when we got married we took a piece of wedding cake around to each neighbour. Most of our social interaction seems to be when one or other of us is either mowing the lawn, taking the bins out or coming back from the shops. Don't force it, but if you do happen to be within hailing distance then a simple smile and a hello is a good start, followed by that classic conversational gambit; the weather!

 

[Mesquite]

Remember... don't wear out your welcome with neighbours and don't take advantage of them either.

Doing either of the two will ensure you won't be invited back.

 

[Elen Sentier]

You community sounds very good Red. Agree, if you want to be part of something you have to get out there for others. Your way of doing it sounds nice.

 

[Elen Sentier]

When we had stacks of snow a couple of winters back, I met neighbours from all around as we clubbed together to keep the streets clear. Although my neighbour, now moved, stayed in and never helped but parked their car in the cleared street !

There's always one

 

[mountainm]

There's always one

Hah, I got a telling off for not clearing my path by a retired neighbour. This is on a work day when busy trying to get 2 kids out the house, one to pre school, one to school and both me and the missus to work.

My comment was, "it'll be gone by tonight"

And sure enough it was...

 

[British Red]

You community sounds very good Red. Agree, if you want to be part of something you have to get out there for others. Your way of doing it sounds nice.

They are good folks.....but you musn't use the "c" word!