The Pigging Canoes & Stupid Idea
- Thread starter No Idea
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I am indifferent to water.
I dont like getting wet and I dont like it going over my head, but other than that...
Since I gave up smoking and put on 10 stone... I think I probably would struggle trying to stand in a 27" wide boat.
I feel uneasy sitting in a 5 ft wide rib in calm water. I know because I did it last week.
I did stand in that, but really didnt feel that happy about it.
lol not sure if you will be happy with the direction this thread will go or not then.
I do hope so though.
The telly, which I still hadnt turned off before I passed out in a heap in the lounge told me to rush outside and look at the lunar eclipse as it would be the first and last one in a hundred years or so...
Looks like the cat next door has given up trying to dig holes in the ice and just did it all over my doorstep.
The bloke on the telly didnt remind me to put boots on....
So there was me hopping back in with one frozen foot and one er... smelly foot, when I found a skateboard that they hadnt put away...
So there was me with a bruised rear, trying to scrub cat stuff off the wall, having discovered that you cant see the only blood red eclipse through a thick layer of fog.
As I said....
It was looking like a Monday right from the off.
Looks like the cat next door has given up trying to dig holes in the ice and just did it all over my doorstep.
The bloke on the telly didnt remind me to put boots on....
So there was me hopping back in with one frozen foot and one er... smelly foot, when I found a skateboard that they hadnt put away...
So there was me with a bruised rear, trying to scrub cat stuff off the wall, having discovered that you cant see the only blood red eclipse through a thick layer of fog.
As I said....
It was looking like a Monday right from the off.
It was cold and all the sugar puffs and frosties mysteriously vanished in the night, so I mixed some poridge in a pyrex jug and shoved it in the microwave, and went for a shower.
On the way up the stairs I hurt my other foot.
I didnt see the lego bricks under the underpants one of them had dropped off the landing.
So I arrived at the bathroom swearing, only to find my eldest on the throne with the door wide open.
Its funny, he used to make the same experssion when he was a baby. Different smell though.
Monday.
On the way up the stairs I hurt my other foot.
I didnt see the lego bricks under the underpants one of them had dropped off the landing.
So I arrived at the bathroom swearing, only to find my eldest on the throne with the door wide open.
Its funny, he used to make the same experssion when he was a baby. Different smell though.
Monday.
Got in the shower, someone had managed to hit the knob and turned it onto cold...
Grrr....
No soap.
Out of the shower, no soap in the cupboard, down the stairs
ARRGH forgot the lego again!
No soap in the kitchen cupboards.
Fairy liquid. Disclaimer - I dont work for Fairy.
Back in the shower...No shampoo either.
One of them must be drinking it.
Washing hair in Fairy liquid....
Power goes, door bell goes again, kid on bog explodes.
Monday.
Grrr....
No soap.
Out of the shower, no soap in the cupboard, down the stairs
ARRGH forgot the lego again!
No soap in the kitchen cupboards.
Fairy liquid. Disclaimer - I dont work for Fairy.
Back in the shower...No shampoo either.
One of them must be drinking it.
Washing hair in Fairy liquid....
Power goes, door bell goes again, kid on bog explodes.
Monday.
Kid downstairs opens the door and yells
"Daaad ! He needs you to sign for it !"
I grabs the towel off the side and sets to work on the bubbles all over my head..
Its full of lumps...Looks like Ive found the sugar puffs
"OI ! !"
Wasnt me says grunty...
Its Definitely Monday.
"Daaad ! He needs you to sign for it !"
I grabs the towel off the side and sets to work on the bubbles all over my head..
Its full of lumps...Looks like Ive found the sugar puffs
"OI ! !"
Wasnt me says grunty...
Its Definitely Monday.
So theres me at the door half wrapped in a towel covered with now wet sugar puffs, with more sugar puffs and washing up bubbles in my hair, trying to focus on the pad shoved under my nose by a bloke who suspiciously smells of cat...
He looks like hes going to wet himself trying not to laugh.
I almost threw his pad over the fence when I realised it was for Mrs Neighbour next door and he got me out of the bath and embarrassed for nothing.
Monday.
He looks like hes going to wet himself trying not to laugh.
I almost threw his pad over the fence when I realised it was for Mrs Neighbour next door and he got me out of the bath and embarrassed for nothing.
Monday.
My little one explained that of course the sugar puffs were in the towel in th bathroom as desperate dan was in the Dandy when it snowed.
I ended up with my mouth open and one finger raised as I tried to and failed to make sense of that.
As I said Monday.
I ended up with my mouth open and one finger raised as I tried to and failed to make sense of that.
As I said Monday.
I want another two of those round half pint stainless mugs with foldaway handles, but cant remember where I got them from.
After I dressed and combed the worst of the muck out of my hair, I rang a local army surplus, who told me they had dozens on the shelf.
I got some weird looks as I wandered around the shop, unshaven, shiny hair and in one wellly and one trainer.
You cant actually expect to find a pair of anything on a Monday.
Got some electric and came back and finished my shower.
Remembered my poridge and checked it. I had forgot that a couple of months ago one of mine had asked how long you should cook a fray bentos pie - Disclaimer Im not linked to them either, and shoved it in its tin in the micro wave for 25 minutes and blew it up. The poridge was still raw.
Monday.
After I dressed and combed the worst of the muck out of my hair, I rang a local army surplus, who told me they had dozens on the shelf.
I got some weird looks as I wandered around the shop, unshaven, shiny hair and in one wellly and one trainer.
You cant actually expect to find a pair of anything on a Monday.
Got some electric and came back and finished my shower.
Remembered my poridge and checked it. I had forgot that a couple of months ago one of mine had asked how long you should cook a fray bentos pie - Disclaimer Im not linked to them either, and shoved it in its tin in the micro wave for 25 minutes and blew it up. The poridge was still raw.
Monday.
Drove to a local cafe for breakfast.
No newspaper.
Walked to the paper shop to get one.
A police car with its blues and twos roared past and soaked me in freezing ice water.
Got back to the cafe as the paper fell apart.
They had run out of bacon.
Monday.
No newspaper.
Walked to the paper shop to get one.
A police car with its blues and twos roared past and soaked me in freezing ice water.
Got back to the cafe as the paper fell apart.
They had run out of bacon.
Monday.
Carried on to the plumbers as Ive now destroyed both those chromed tubes I bought to wind into coils and shove in potao tins - like you do...
I wanted two more. Some bloke was in there arguing about some taps and some pipe. 25 mins later I left with the only one they had.
As I drove out, I remembered I wanted to ask about solder too.
Not going back for another 25 mins.
Monday.
I wanted two more. Some bloke was in there arguing about some taps and some pipe. 25 mins later I left with the only one they had.
As I drove out, I remembered I wanted to ask about solder too.
Not going back for another 25 mins.
Monday.
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