Seasonal Jokes
- Thread starter Alan De Enfield
- Start date
Yup. Very seasonal. You see something, raise expectations, open it and are disappointed.
MY GPS
I have a little GPS
I’ve had it all my life
Its better than the normal ones
Because it is my Wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
“its thirty miles an hour” it says
“you’re doing thirty-five”
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that It’s never ever
Safe, when I go to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking all this into account
It specifies my gear
I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I’m properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
And…keeps me warm in bed
Despite all of these advantages
And my tendency to scoff
I do wish that once in awhile
I could turn the damned thing off.
I have a little GPS
I’ve had it all my life
Its better than the normal ones
Because it is my Wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
“its thirty miles an hour” it says
“you’re doing thirty-five”
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that It’s never ever
Safe, when I go to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking all this into account
It specifies my gear
I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I’m properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
And…keeps me warm in bed
Despite all of these advantages
And my tendency to scoff
I do wish that once in awhile
I could turn the damned thing off.
