Now that is the funniest thing I've read of quite awhile - bringing tears to my eyes.
[sorry to laugh at your miss fortune and all that ]
[sorry to laugh at your miss fortune and all that ]
Ahhh - injury and pain stories - I have so many - but this one may save someone else from repeating it.
I have a "thing" for thai sweet chilli sauce. I love it - as a dip, over meat, on chips etc.
So, I make my own, and dashed fine it is too.
My lady wife suffers from the rare medical condition "asbestos gob" so requested a more "robust" version.
Ever the obliging man, I prepared a mix of habanero, tabasco and Scotch bonnets.
At this point I was caught short and nipped to the loo. I would have (naturally) washed my hands afterwards, but neglected to wash the BEFORE.
I said "oh gosh deary me" (or something) -it really hurt - I was grabbing flannels, dowsing them with water, dropping my trousers, then not being able to remove them over my boots, hopping, hobbling, then realising I hadn't washed my hands so I had transferred the chilli juice to the flannel.
So I jumped back and wadded up loo roll.
Still hadn't washed my hands
Jumped back to sink and fell.
Caught sink in one hand and bath in the other, nearly wrenching sink from the wall
Righted myself, washed hands, dropped soap and couldn't see through the tears.
Knelt on floor to find soap.
Failed.
Stood up and smashed head on underside of sink.
Shuffled back to loo
Grabbed clean loo paper
Ran loo paper under tap and beagin to scrub.
Tissue paper shredded (stained with chilli juice).
In desperation grabbed a hand towel and ran it under the tap. Soap is AWOL so grabbed shampoo and squirted generous measure on wet towel.
Ever noticed how similar conditioner is to shampoo? Its also greasy. Particulary when applied to your chilli covered, papier mache encrusted short hairs.
Naturally, whilst screaming in frustration. I then trod on the soap and fell over backwards, striking my head on the loo seat and engendering a fair sized cut.
Then my wife came into the bathroom to find me naked, supine, rubbing frantically at my greasy man parts with my blood covered head in the toilet.
I like to think of that as one of my finer moments
Ahhh - injury and pain stories - I have so many - but this one may save someone else from repeating it.
I have a "thing" for thai sweet chilli sauce. I love it - as a dip, over meat, on chips etc.
So, I make my own, and dashed fine it is too.
My lady wife suffers from the rare medical condition "asbestos gob" so requested a more "robust" version.
Ever the obliging man, I prepared a mix of habanero, tabasco and Scotch bonnets.
At this point I was caught short and nipped to the loo. I would have (naturally) washed my hands afterwards, but neglected to wash the BEFORE.
I said "oh gosh deary me" (or something) -it really hurt - I was grabbing flannels, dowsing them with water, dropping my trousers, then not being able to remove them over my boots, hopping, hobbling, then realising I hadn't washed my hands so I had transferred the chilli juice to the flannel.
So I jumped back and wadded up loo roll.
Still hadn't washed my hands
Jumped back to sink and fell.
Caught sink in one hand and bath in the other, nearly wrenching sink from the wall
Righted myself, washed hands, dropped soap and couldn't see through the tears.
Knelt on floor to find soap.
Failed.
Stood up and smashed head on underside of sink.
Shuffled back to loo
Grabbed clean loo paper
Ran loo paper under tap and beagin to scrub.
Tissue paper shredded (stained with chilli juice).
In desperation grabbed a hand towel and ran it under the tap. Soap is AWOL so grabbed shampoo and squirted generous measure on wet towel.
Ever noticed how similar conditioner is to shampoo? Its also greasy. Particulary when applied to your chilli covered, papier mache encrusted short hairs.
Naturally, whilst screaming in frustration. I then trod on the soap and fell over backwards, striking my head on the loo seat and engendering a fair sized cut.
Then my wife came into the bathroom to find me naked, supine, rubbing frantically at my greasy man parts with my blood covered head in the toilet.
I like to think of that as one of my finer moments
Got me thinking about my work life, I'm a 52 year old self employed plumber.
1.Compound fracture to my left leg at 17, four months in a full length cast.
2.Threw frozen steak onto BBQ plate that had sunk with age holding oil, burnt chest, neck, and shoulder. Six weeks off work.
3.Working in a trench reached up and pulled a container of priming fluid into my face. Eyes bandaged for two days. Scared the crap out of me thinking I lost my sight.
4.Got a DVT after lung surgery, on both Clexane and Heprian to try and get levels right. I jump into a small trench, and over the next couple of hours a Hematoma bigger than my clenched fist grows on the same shin I broke as a 17 year old. Ended up in hospital for five days, they cut it open and left it. Fourth day they stitched me up and I went up to Cape York for four weeks camping
5.Stepped out of a doorway just as my wife walks in front of it. I go sideways so as not to collect her, tear the ligaments at my ankle. Four weeks off work
6.125mm hole saw in a right angle chuck drill, got a bit cocky and it grabbed. As it kicked back it ran across my shirt, the cut into my forearm. 19 stitches, but VERY lucky I missed all the tendons ect and when it was held open to clean the wound I had skipped over the top of the vein as well. Not bad, back at work two days later.
7.Hernia operation on a Thursday, went back to work Monday. Never again, f@%! that hurts. One of four over the years
8.Digging a manhole by hand got to about four feet deep, when the six foot crow bar leaning on the fence fell and collected my head. Five stitches, back at work following day.
9.Chopping kindling after dark without a sissy stick, stuck hatchet in bottom of pointing finger (twice).
10.Numerous cuts over the years, a bit of toilet paper and wrap it in duct tap until I get home.
11.Blew up a coffee shop, but we walked away from that no injuries.
Like i have said before mate, the more i find out the more amazed i am, you would even beat richard dreyfuss, roy scheider and robert shaw in the scar competition they have in the movie jaws by a mile, a mile of scarring that is
Ah well - you asked...
From the top down:
Fractured skull - aged 4ish falling and head-butting toilet.
Split scalp from same.
Cut eyeball - exploding lightbulb as child
Busted nose (6 times) - Martial Arts, rugby, street fights
Busted jaw - street fight
Lost tooth - street fight
Slashed cheek breaking a snap off knife blde (a bit went flying)
Broken neck - Rugby in my teens
Dislocated shoulder - inspecting a river drop upper wye during 5star assessment (I passed)
Bent collar bone (don't know how or when, probably Martial Arts)
Broken knuckle - street fight
Dislocated finger - teaching my wife "self defence"
Cut to the bone all four fingers of left hand - carving plastic figurine in my teens
Broken sternum - car crash,
Broken ribs - rugby, Martial Arts, teaching my wife "Self Defence" (she was a good pupil!)
Bruised and bleeding kidneys - my last street fight
Dislocated knee with torn ligaments, torn muscles and split cartlidge - jumping a cattle fence
Chipped shin - rugby
chipped toe - rugby
Tennis Elbow - over work
Tendonitis in both achiles tendons - due to damage to my knees
Ach - there is more but I am getting tired writing this lot!
A list in a half!
And with the fight injuries, you forgot to add 'should've seen him.....'
Hi Cameron,
Well I haven't managed to get near a scanner to get a copy if my implant up but I did finally get 'round to taking a picture of the scar on my hip off of my phone. The clips are now out and it's healing brilliantly.
So here's the latest addition to my Frankenstein's Monster outfit.
That reminds me I must get some sausages from the shops