I have a "thing" for thai sweet chilli sauce. I love it - as a dip, over meat, on chips etc.
So, I make my own, and dashed fine it is too.
My lady wife suffers from the rare medical condition "asbestos gob" so requested a more "robust" version.
Ever the obliging man, I prepared a mix of habanero, tabasco and Scotch bonnets.
At this point I was caught short nad nipped to the loo. I would have (naturally) washed my hands afterwards, but neglected to wash the BEFORE.
I said "oh gosh deary me" (or something) -it really hurt - I was grabbing flannels, dowsing them with water, dropping my trousers, then not being able to remove them over my boots, hopping, hobbling, then realising I hadn't washed my hands so I had transferred the chilli juice to the flannel.
So I jumped back and wadded up loo roll.
Still hadn't washed my hands
Jumped back to sink and fell.
Caught sink in one hand and bath in the other, nearly wrenching sink from the wall
Righted myself, washed hands, dropped soap and couldn't see through the tears.
Knelt on floor to find soap.
Failed.
Stood up and smashed head on underside of sink.
Shuffled back to loo
Grabbed clean loo paper
Ran loo paper under tap and beagin to scrub.
Tissue paper shredded (stained with chilli juice).
In desparation grabbed a hand towel and ran it under the tap. Soap is AWOL so grabbed shampoo and squirted generous measure on wet towel.
Ever noticed how similar conditioner is to shampoo? Its also greasy. Particulary when applied to your chilli covered, papier mache encrusted short hairs.
Naturally, whilst screaming in frustration. I then trod on the soap and fell over backwards, striking my head on the loo seat and engendering a fair sized cut.
Then my wife came into the bathroom to find me naked, supine, rubbing frantically at my greasy man parts with my blood covered head in the toilet.
I like to think of that as one of my finer moments