I'm a cowboy hat expert. Well, relative to most people in the UK at least, probably I am. Well, I've got one.
It's a real one, a Stetson. Ted Wytovicz, a sales rep for one of our customers in the USA, took me to Sheppler's in Kansas City, Kansas one weekend because he said I had to have one. I have no idea why he suddenly decided that I needed a hat. This was in 1980 or thereabouts, and I thought he was crazy, but we went anyway and I did buy one.
When I went to Sheppler's I didn't know much about cowboys and their hats, just what I'd seen on the telly. Boy was I in for a shock.
When we went in through the door it was like going back in time. There were people milling about everywhere dressed like Clint Eastwood in Pale Rider. The six-guns they were wearing were genuine firearms and the gear that they were wearing, including all manner of hats, frankly made me goggle in disbelief. I'd never been anywhere where they take stuff so seriously. I felt a bit uncomfortable.
We went to the hat store, and the guy in an apron at the counter asked me what he could do for me today. I looked around the store, and pointed to one of the hats that happened to be walking by. "One like that", I said.
The guy in the apron wasn't very impressed. Maybe it was the English accent, maybe it was because I wasn't packing a Colt, maybe it was the Italian Stripe suit that I was wearing. He wasn't having any of that "like that" stuff and he launched into his patter.
He explained that a hat wasn't just a hat. Ohhhhh, no. It's an expression of the character of the wearer. The style of the hat has come from the owner's psyche and radiate his aura -- or something like that. I forget exactly, it was a long time ago and I tuned out fairly early on to look at some gal in a frilly waistcoat. By the time I tuned back in again he was explaining about what he called the 'rainbow' that you put into the hat to stop the rain running down your neck and how to pinch it just right when you put it on so that the wind doesn't blow it away when you're on your horse. He didn't seem to consider the possibility that an English bloke wearing a tailored three-piece suit might not have a horse.
Then he took down a 'blank' from the shelves behind him. Something was happening now. He was going to do something. So this was interesting to me, and I paid attention. The blank was made of beaver felt. It looked to my uneducated eyes like the hat that 'Hoss' used to wear in 'Bonanza'. Unfortunately Dan Blocker died forty years ago, so those of you who in 2012 are younger than fifty might need a little help:
http://ponderosascenery.homestead.com/files/castbios/hoss.html
Of course the blank hat probably wasn't anything like the hat that Hoss wore, but what would I know.
We're now getting towards the bit where he asks me for a hundred dollars, and having interviewed me to expose my deepest inner self, the salesman -- er, sorry, the guy in the apron -- put the blank on a kind of steaming thing and started to shape the garment to my personality, pulling and bending the brim with practiced precision, and folding the crown into a shape just so, and generally trying to make it look like it was going to be worth what I was going to have to pay for it. He got me to try it on, and after seeing me wearing it he decided it needed just a little more of this and a little less of that, and this went on for a good fifteen minutes until finally he was satisfied. Then he asked me for a hundred dollars.
I wasn't convinced by any of the spiel, but I think it
was worth it for the whole experience, which I'll never forget as long as I live.
Because I had no other way to carry it, I wore that hat more or less everywhere from then to the end of the business trip. Mostly this involved flying around on aeroplanes and giving talks to our customer's sales and engineering people in about fifty US states. The hat got a lot of comments. Until I explained, which I seemed to have to do a lot, people mostly seemed to think I was a bit strange.
There are photos of me wearing it somewhere on the wife's computer, I'll post a link when I come across one.
But it's just an ordinary looking cowboy hat, or at least it looks like that to me.