Santas Risk Assessment xmas 2009

[timboggle]

I got this through yesterday in the BASP (British Association of Ski Patrollers) members newsletter - Seems that nobody is exempt from legislation, brilliant.

Jingle Bells

"Dashing through the snow, In a one horse open sleigh, O'er feilds we go, Laughing all the way"

Dear Mr Claus

Please Note: A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is apprpriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions.

Please also note that permission must be gained from land owners before entering their feilds. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

 

[John Fenna]

Its 'elf and safety gorn mad!

 

[tobes01]

It would put an end to all that "Walking in the air" nonsense too, can't have that without a Private Pilots License, current certification to fly a snowman, parachutes, lifejackets and a full pre-flight plan.

And as for myrrh for a baby? Well...

WISE MAN #1: We were led by a star.
MANDY: Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Out!
WISE MAN #1: Well-- well, we must see him. We have brought presents.
MANDY: Out!
WISE MAN #2: Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.
MANDY: Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the place is a bit
of a mess. Well, what is myrrh, anyway?
WISE MAN #3: It is a valuable balm.
MANDY: A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him.
WISE MAN #3: What?
MANDY: That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough.
WISE MAN #1: No, it isn't.
MANDY: Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...
WISE MAN #3: No, no, no. It is an ointment.
MANDY: Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream it? So,
you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he then?

 

[timboggle]

Nice one guys

 

[The Cumbrian]

A team that I was once part of, as a training exercise, had to write a method statement and risk assessment for making a cup of tea.

The idea was swiftly binned when "they" realised that they would have to train and certify evryone who wanted to have a cup of tea.

 

[apj1974]

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you: *


Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

 

[forestwalker]

A team that I was once part of, as a training exercise, had to write a method statement and risk assessment for making a cup of tea.

The idea was swiftly binned when "they" realised that they would have to train and certify evryone who wanted to have a cup of tea.

Now fill in the ISO9000 paperwork for making tea. First you need to document the purity and consitency of the ingredients, the temperature of the water, streeping time, the accuracy of the measurement of the tea, etc. And each pot has to labelled such that you can tell how it was made, when it was made, etc. And you have to track changes in all these parameters. And of course you have to make sure all staff knows and follows the procedures.

 

[ArkAngel]

I love health and safety and risk assesments.

Best i ever heard was from my mums worksplace:

She was asked to fill out 2 risk assesments (and i swear to the seven celestial dragons this is true!)

1. Write a risk assesment for a female member of staff working in the building who is pregnant.

2. Write a risk assesment for a female member of staff working in the building who is pregnant, but does not know she is.

 

[Rob]

lol - superb.

Risk assessing a cuppa is always a good one. I use it to teach a sensible approach to 'elf & safety - as over keen risk assessors will ban it (or identify the need for specialist training).

ISO9001? Sounds more like the old BS 5750 regime to me Best outsource the process to the Tea Lady.

I have no idea what numptie would ever ask someone to assess for a pregnant worker who did not know that she was expecting. That sure is a unique one (and I look at peoples risk assessments an awful lot).

The best I have heard of recently was someone who demanded that a Legionella risk assessment be carried out and a management plan put in place for a Klix coffee machine. Bloke was taken round the back of the smoking shelter and inpolitely told to get a life.

 

[forestwalker]

ISO9001? Sounds more like the old BS 5750 regime to me Best outsource the process to the Tea Lady.

But then you'll need to have the tea lady be ISO9001 certified...

I have no idea what numptie would ever ask someone to assess for a pregnant worker who did not know that she was expecting. That sure is a unique one (and I look at peoples risk assessments an awful lot).

Both yes and no. Imagine having an environment where at least some of the staff -- or students! -- were fertile females. And it is an organic chemistry teaching lab. What risks are there for someone who is in the early stages of a prenancy (where they may reasonably not be aware) or for those in the later stages (i.e. does those students have to drop the course, or can they still participate?). I would not want to teach a course where I knew that any of the women participating who happened to be in their first weeks of a pregnacy would have a major risk increase without making this very clear.

The best I have heard of recently was someone who demanded that a Legionella risk assessment be carried out and a management plan put in place for a Klix coffee machine. Bloke was taken round the back of the smoking shelter and inpolitely told to get a life.

That is nothing: http://www.sciforums.com/vacuum-pockets-and-safety-nazis-t-41446.html

 

[stonyman]

Just a quick question, doesn't Rudolph leading the way actually contrivine civil aviation authorities regulations due to the fact that he has a red nose and is at the front of the sleigh???

 

[Matt.S]

Just a quick question, doesn't Rudolph leading the way actually contrivine civil aviation authorities regulations due to the fact that he has a red nose and is at the front of the sleigh???

Not to mention discrimination due to disability...

 

[timboggle]

Just a quick question, doesn't Rudolph leading the way actually contrivine civil aviation authorities regulations due to the fact that he has a red nose and is at the front of the sleigh???

How on earth the whole entourage gets through passport control, I don't know !!

 

[apj1974]

Just a quick question, doesn't Rudolph leading the way actually contrivine civil aviation authorities regulations due to the fact that he has a red nose and is at the front of the sleigh???

I think they have a special clause that allows it, its called .....

 

[Rob]

But then you'll need to have the tea lady be ISO9001 certified...



Both yes and no. Imagine having an environment where at least some of the staff -- or students! -- were fertile females. And it is an organic chemistry teaching lab. What risks are there for someone who is in the early stages of a prenancy (where they may reasonably not be aware) or for those in the later stages (i.e. does those students have to drop the course, or can they still participate?). I would not want to teach a course where I knew that any of the women participating who happened to be in their first weeks of a pregnacy would have a major risk increase without making this very clear.



That is nothing: http://www.sciforums.com/vacuum-pockets-and-safety-nazis-t-41446.html

No need for 9001 tea lady - there sits the loophole in 9001 (and a lot of other ISOs). You have to apply the same level of control to subbed out processes - no need to have them assessed in most cases, just some form of process control.

I would hope that the Occy Health guys would have dealt with the chemicals in the lab as part of their COSHH regime. Nasty situation, so i am going to figure that you just have to control exposure for all and make sure your LEVs are well looked after. This speaking as someone who had to stop spending time in uni chem labs back in the days before there was adequate fume extraction (early days of the 6 pack).

Vacuum pockets and safety nazis - lol, nice

 

[scanker]

LMAO at the vacuum pockets link!

 

[wingstoo]

N.O.R.A.D. Accidently shoots down Santa

NORAD commander, Timothy Keating said of the incident, "We live in the real world, where you have to make real decisions. Sometimes there isn't much time to make them. If you wait more than a second, it could be all she wrote."