Just a Perfect Day.....

[BearInTheWoods]

Discovered that the drains were (again) backed up, had the delightful experience of blasting the manhole-porridge clear with a pressure-washer. Got a lovely brown patina on the mask of my respirator, interesting marks on my clothes. Stripped off to get into the shower, whilst darling wife put my clothes into the washing machine, almost immediately after she nearly took off the end of her finger whilst chopping carrots. Rinses her finger under the cold tap, suddenly my shower is boiling hot. Leap out of shower, trip up and can my bonce on the rim of the bog. Wake up to find the dog sniffing my backside whilst blood runs down my face.

Attend to our various hurts with steri-strip, TCP, Elastoplast etc, lovely wife brings me glass of wine, it spills all across my desk, keyboard, mouse, VAT documents etc. I'm wondering what else evil fortune has up its sleeve for me today.

 

[crosslandkelly]

Jeez, and that was a good day. Hope you're both okay.

 

[BearInTheWoods]

Jeez, and that was a good day. Hope you're both okay.

To use a line I've been wanting to use for ages 'No, man, we're pretty ******* far from OK'. (Pulp Fiction)

 

[Corso]

I'd go to bed mate

and sleep with one eye open just to be safe...

 

[BearInTheWoods]

I'm wondering what else evil fortune has up its sleeve for me today.

I was wondering, now two drunks started fighting in the street and one of them came flying through my front door, the bolt was fastened so the frame is now torn in half.

I'm beginning to think that those fellows in America who live in old missile silos with a stockpile of food and a great quantity of arms and ammunition, have a point of sorts.

 

[Harvestman]

Here's a quote that might resonate for you (but probably only if you were an avid reader of the 'Gobledigook' cartoon strip in White Dwarf magazine in the late 1980s)

"Foo, I 'aven't 'ad a day like this in 300 years!"



P.s. am I allowed to laugh?


Pps. I already did.

 

[British Red]

We've all had days like that mate - perhaps if I relate one of mine it might cheer you up?

I have a "thing" for thai sweet chilli sauce. I love it - as a dip, over meat, on chips etc.

So, I make my own, and dashed fine it is too.

My lady wife suffers from the rare medical condition "asbestos gob" so requested a more "robust" version.

Ever the obliging man, I prepared a mix of habanero, tabasco and Scotch bonnets.

At this point I was caught short and nipped to the loo. I would have (naturally) washed my hands afterwards, but neglected to wash them BEFORE.

So basically I applied pepper spray to my genitals.

I said "oh gosh deary me" (or something) -it really hurt - I was grabbing flannels, dowsing them with water, dropping my trousers, then not being able to remove them over my boots, hopping, hobbling, then realising I hadn't washed my hands so I had transferred the chilli juice to the flannel.

So I jumped back and wadded up loo roll.

Still hadn't washed my hands

Jumped back to sink and fell.

Caught sink in one hand and bath in the other, nearly wrenching sink from the wall

Righted myself, washed hands, dropped soap and couldn't see through the tears.

Knelt on floor to find soap.

Failed.

Stood up and smashed head on underside of sink.

Shuffled back to loo

Grabbed clean loo paper

Ran loo paper under tap and began to scrub.

Tissue paper shredded (stained with chilli juice).

In desperation grabbed a hand towel and ran it under the tap. Soap is AWOL so grabbed shampoo and squirted generous measure on wet towel.

Ever noticed how similar conditioner is to shampoo? Its also greasy. Particularly when applied to your chilli covered, papier mache encrusted short hairs.

Naturally, whilst screaming in frustration. I then trod on the soap and fell over backwards, striking my head on the loo seat and engendering a fair sized cut.

Then my wife came into the bathroom to find me naked, supine, rubbing frantically at my greasy man parts with my blood covered head in the toilet.

I like to think of that as one of my finer moments

 

[HHazeldean]

Man that sounds like one ridiculously unlucky day! And you too BR!

 

[Passer]

That invite for supper?.....i'll take a rain check