Getting On

[William_Montgomery]

I had an interesting conversation with an older family member recently. He was talking about going over the half-way point, the top of the hill, having less time ahead than behind, and how that's changed his perspective on certain things. I like to think I'm still on the way up, but I do find it interesting how my own priorities have changed over the years.

Anyone got any thoughts/insights on the mental shifts that occur as you hit those landmarks in later life?

 

[TeeDee]

I had an interesting conversation with an older family member recently. He was talking about going over the half-way point, the top of the hill, having less time ahead than behind, and how that's changed his perspective on certain things. I like to think I'm still on the way up, but I do find it interesting how my own priorities have changed over the years.

Anyone got any thoughts/insights on the mental shifts that occur as you hit those landmarks in later life?

Prediction.

Nothing more.

None of us KNOW how much time we have left.
We make a prediction based on averages. Thats great if you are not part of the outlier.

EDIT - I do struggle with this if honest because its comes down to the whole Ant vs Grasshopper fable - either live in the moment for the moment or delay of gratification and make longer term plans. There is of course as Broch would advise a Third way, a Goldilocks way - there are also Black Swan type event in each of our lives that can wee-wee on our chips.

 

[TLM]

I remember reading somewhere about a study that ended concluding that at a life expectancy of 75 years the subjective half life is somewhere 25-30 years old. Our sense of time going by changes quite a lot.

So I would guess that most of us writing and reading this forum are already at our latter half. One does get used to even that idea though some people do find it somewhat depressing.

 

[Pattree]

Perhaps my problem is that I haven’t had enough mental shifts.
I’ve had loads of physical ones that impose limitations but I still think much as I have done for most of my life. The ideas change, the thinking doesn’t. (for me)

I’ve never been hampered by the thought that physicality is superiority so my physical decay has a lower impact than it otherwise might.

 

[Toddy]

Having recently faced my own mortality, and hopefully survived it, and finding myself utterly taken aback because I honestly thought that this getting older lark would take longer......find contentment. Find things you enjoy, and actually enjoy them.
I've just been out in my garden, weeding, pruning, all stuff I haven't been able to do since before Autumn, and Oh, but it's cold and it's fresh air and it's wonderful and the whole world is somehow brighter and lighter and I find myself somehow almost tearfully happy.

Little things matter. It doesn't need to be an expedition to enjoy a walk in a wood someplace, or scramble up part of a hill, sit and watch the birds, dig over the garden, sort out kit.

Look at the trees, really look at them, be aware that the seasons are turning; enjoy that, relish it.

I'm in, slowly warming up, but I have hot chocolate and some flying saucers

My Granny said it over sixty years ago. "Contentment is a great wealth". She was older than I am now, but I think she had the right of it.

My Doctor said to me that health is 80% genetics, 10% luck and 10% you can do something about. My family lives long, usually, and mid nineties is a reasonable expectation. My cousins in their early 80's look 60's, kind of thing.
Anyway, my fit as a fiddle, ran every day, watched his diet, etc., Doctor dropped dead at 54....his father had done the same at 56.

I've stopped thinking about how long, and have just decided to enjoy making things, growing things, being part of the seasonal round, enjoying the company of family, friends and companions, and the folks we meet along the way

I wish you long healthy lives, full of interesting things to do

M

 

[TLM]

full of interesting things to do

I think you remember that is a a Chinese curse.

 

[Toddy]

I think you remember that is a a Chinese curse.

But not boring, not stultifying, not restrictive

 

[The Frightful]

Yes i agree, at 63 im getting close to the summit but still working as a semi retired builder so stronger and flexible than a lot of my peers but if i ran full tilt for 50metres my teeth would bleed, so hardly fit ! Unfortunately i still look at the world with 25yr old eyes and think the 70's was 30 yrs ago. I am a much better Grandfather than a father because i simply have the time to see and understand that all they need is a little undivided attention and to be within their little world for a while. Not blaming the parents, i too was absent both physically and mentally due to being a provider, carer, defender when all they needed was quality time.
I try and enjoy every day for what it is, if its a s*** one, at least im still here to experience it because there are a lot of people in the Graveyard younger than me who would eagerly swap places.
Family comes first, health then money. We live a modest lifestyle driving a 57 plate car and a W reg van. With age comes experience and age related wisdom, its disheartening seeing our kids worrying about the same stuff we did, for the most part, unnecessarily. I guess the biggest change for me is realising the amount of BS we are fed by media, and politicians that i can now see through. Recent example, Thursday itv breakfast, Chris Packham outside the law courts re just stop oil appeals. Madely says "you can't see this picture" then shows a still photo of an Ambulance " on a motorway stuck in a 'jam' caused by the protesters". This photo clearly showed no flashing lights, a clear hard shoulder and gaps between most of the cars that would enable the Ambulances access should it be needed it was obviously a still from slow moving traffic. A total BS photo to reinforce his narrative about the protesters possibly costing lives which he continually refers back to. If Packam could have seen the image he would have seen the injustice of the point. Politics are exactly the same, have no respect or trust for any of them.
So my biggest shift is seeing the world more clearly and realising how little we matter to anyone except for being cash cows and mushrooms, kept in the dark and fed bull s***. Think middle aged surfs with a decent dwelling plenty of grub and a 5 day week and you'll not be far off.
Apologies for the rant,
sincerly yours
Grumpy

 

[Nice65]

Keep it simple. We are powerless, ultimately, so learning humility and true charity will stand anyone in good stead spiritually.

Where to start? I will be 60 this February, my wife was 60 at this time last year. We had some great plans after a difficult period. But she’s not going to be present for my 60th as her life ended last March. Quite out of the blue, as it does to many others, 10 out of 10 of us die, one way or another Learn to live each day at a time, take what you can from it, it is unlikely to go to any plan applied to it, life is on life’s terms and you may not hit any landmarks in later life.

Just so anyone knows, this isn’t a depressed, self pity post, I don’t need any sympathy or anything. It’s simply in answer to the OP to be aware of disappointed expectations. Regret, resentment, fear, all that stuff is negative and destructive so it doesn’t live up in my head rent free and making a mess of the place.

You could read King, Warrior, Magician, Lover as a suggestion @William_Montgomery It explores the 4 archetypes we live with and then you can see how to begin to balance them. Jungian, but a lot easier to read than Jung.

 

[Chris]

The past 5 years or do have been difficult ones for me which have resulted in a lot of introspection and working on my psychological wellbeing. I’ve learned that it’s important not just to spend my life trying to keep others happy. Their happiness is their responsibility and my happiness is my responsibility. As long as I act within the moral and ethical framework that I believe is important, and remain honest and accountable to myself, then that’s all I can (and should) do.

Watching my Dad die last year did also change some of my perspective. He was fit and healthy in terms of his exercise right up til about 70 when suddenly he wasn’t. He didn’t take care of his blood pressure like he should have, even though he exercised every day for about 50 years, and that blood pressure problem led to a minor stroke which caused his vascular dementia, and circulation issues which gave him problems with his feet which stopped his cycling and restricted his mobility. It all cascaded from there. Ironically, all the cardiovascular exercise he did meant that his heart kept going longer than it normally would for people with vascular dementia and it prolonged his suffering.

Sitting and holding his hand for a week while his body actively died made me realise two things. The actually dying part felt natural and was actually the least traumatic part of his illness. So death itself has become more familiar and perhaps even less scary. Until this point my first hand experiences with the death of others have not been ones through natural causes, which made them more traumatic.

The second realisation is that this man who was fit what seems like only yesterday, was suddenly taking his last breaths as we all will do at one point in time. When I get to that point, whenever it may be, I want as many memories and experiences as possible doing the things I love, and ideally to have made the world slightly better for my having been here in some small way.

Finally I just prefer who I am, the older I get. I know who I am, I know who I want to be and I know more what is important to me. Still hopefully got 50 years in me, but hey, it’s a journey.

 

[oldtimer]

Now in my 84th year, I take the philosophical approach: don't think about it.
And don't buy green bananas.

 

[TLM]

And don't buy green bananas.

Green potatoes are even worse.

 

[Nice65]

Now in my 84th year, I take the philosophical approach: don't think about it.
And don't buy green bananas.

And learn how to peel them correctly from the beginning. I shared your embarrassment over that painful lesson in humility.

 

[Pattree]

………. but Green Onions is fantastic.
Getting on means remembering when data storage revolved at 78rpm!

(looks embarrassed. It also means that you also misremember the title of one of your favourite pieces by one of your favourite musicians )

ETA
Green Onions was pretty good too.

 

[William_Montgomery]

Prediction.

Nothing more.

None of us KNOW how much time we have left.
We make a prediction based on averages. Thats great if you are not part of the outlier.

EDIT - I do struggle with this if honest because its comes down to the whole Ant vs Grasshopper fable - either live in the moment for the moment or delay of gratification and make longer term plans. There is of course as Broch would advise a Third way, a Goldilocks way - there are also Black Swan type event in each of our lives that can wee-wee on our chips.

True enough. Based on those averages, I guess you reach a point where you can be pretty sure you've got less time in front than behind. A certainty of sorts.
The ant and the grasshopper is interesting. I was thinking about how those really ingrained strategies change or adapt for different people and at different times.

 

[William_Montgomery]

You could read King, Warrior, Magician, Lover as a suggestion @William_Montgomery It explores the 4 archetypes we live with and then you can see how to begin to balance them. Jungian, but a lot easier to read than Jung.

Yeah. I have read it, albeit quite a long time ago.

 

[GreyCat]

Having recently faced my own mortality, and hopefully survived it, and finding myself utterly taken aback because I honestly thought that this getting older lark would take longer......find contentment. Find things you enjoy, and actually enjoy them.
I've just been out in my garden, weeding, pruning, all stuff I haven't been able to do since before Autumn, and Oh, but it's cold and it's fresh air and it's wonderful and the whole world is somehow brighter and lighter and I find myself somehow almost tearfully happy.

Little things matter. It doesn't need to be an expedition to enjoy a walk in a wood someplace, or scramble up part of a hill, sit and watch the birds, dig over the garden, sort out kit.

Look at the trees, really look at them, be aware that the seasons are turning; enjoy that, relish it.

I'm in, slowly warming up, but I have hot chocolate and some flying saucers

My Granny said it over sixty years ago. "Contentment is a great wealth". She was older than I am now, but I think she had the right of it.

My Doctor said to me that health is 80% genetics, 10% luck and 10% you can do something about. My family lives long, usually, and mid nineties is a reasonable expectation. My cousins in their early 80's look 60's, kind of thing.
Anyway, my fit as a fiddle, ran every day, watched his diet, etc., Doctor dropped dead at 54....his father had done the same at 56.

I've stopped thinking about how long, and have just decided to enjoy making things, growing things, being part of the seasonal round, enjoying the company of family, friends and companions, and the folks we meet along the way

I wish you long healthy lives, full of interesting things to do

M

Contentment has a lot going for it.

A few years ago, on a corporate training course they were going on about how to "improve the chances of your job making you happy" sort of stuff. To which I pointed out that the best job I ever had didn't make me happy- but I was doing something ethical and worthwhile for me and the community. It was hard at times and some elements were not pleasant or happy-making; but overall it was deeply satisfying and such satisfaction leads to contentment- way better than "happy" which is fleeting. So I seek satisfaction and contentment not happiness.

I guess these days saying something so off-message would get me in bother, but it was a few years ago!

So yes- contentment is the key.

GC

 

[Glow_worm]

I wish you long healthy lives, full of interesting things to do

Really enjoyed your post and philosophy.

I have a fascination with- so much. I could fill 1000 lifetimes and still be busy. As a result I'm not really fussed whether I'm around another two weeks or 60 years. I had a blessed childhood due to having a competent mother who made childhood wonderful, always doing and learning. Used to be very scared of the idea of death as a child, knowing I was here for now and would then be dead for ever and ever was a daunting concept. One day I accepted it as reality and decided the most sensible thing to do was make the most of life. hardcore philosophy/enlightenment for a 6ish year old! I've since been self-centered my entire life and always done whatever I have enjoyed. A lot of that has been low or no wage work on projects beneficial to communities, nature, traditional skills, history. Really poorly now in my 30s, but slowly recovering- I'm glad I spent my time doing what I wanted when I was in good health, I'd be hacked off now if I'd been studying, working 5 days out of 7, saving, dreaming of having fun later- which now may never happen, might have to always take it easy if I don't heal up.

Never earned enough to pay in, too ill to work much, not ill enough for benefits. What will happen when I'm older? Will I get 'old' or die first? Who cares. Carry on having fun at a pace that works, if I can find a way to earn enough to save for later doing something ethical and beneficial to the planet then I will. If I keel over in the meantime- I've had fun.

 

[William_Montgomery]

she’s not going to be present for my 60th as her life ended last March

Watching my Dad die last year did also change some of my perspective

Just to say, I appreciate you guys adding that into the mix. It's a tough thing, the toughest thing really. Yet, it has a huge bearing on our perspective as time goes by. So, just wanted to acknowledge your input on that front. Thanks.

 

[The Frightful]

......also i believe that with some people get to an age when they become complacent and or, have simply, had enough. After all, death isnt scary and hopefully the dying won't be either