Is my guilt justified?

[Barney]

Some reassurance is needed here just now.

A friend of my son has just come over and asked me to fix a puncture on his bicycle, I told him to take it home and ask his dad to do it.

The problem is that I knew his dad would not repair it. Dont get me wrong he's a hardworking guy who keeps a roof over his kids head. But he is fat and lazy and never does anything with or for the kids.

I feel guilty because the kid is overweight already and the bike is probably the only bit of exercise he gets.

I am wondering if I have done the right thing.

 

[sapper1]

I would have fixed it.Now the kid's in a situation where his father knows he has a puncture.When you tell the kid to bring it round he'll tell his father who will say "leave it to me" and the bike lives in the shed for ever.

 

[wingstoo]

How about getting him to fix his own puncture with guidance from yourself, then when he has another he can show his Dad what you have taught him to do to be on the road to self reliance.

Have fun

 

[MartinK9]

No guilt at all in my opinion, if the father won't do anything for his own kids , why should you?

 

[joejoe]

in agreement with wingstoo, that way he might not end up like his father

 

[TwoSticks]

My view is that guilt is an emotion you feel when you think you've broken someone elses rules.

Shame is an emotion you feel when you've broken your own rules.

I'm guessing you don't feel shame as you're quite open about what happened. I'm also guessing you don't approve of their rules and you had a positve intention in doing what you did - and maybe you're feeling guilty because you think they wont understand your good intentions?

So why should you change your own rules because theirs are different?

 

[Draven]

Nah mate, I wouldn't feel guilty - the kid ain't your responsibility mate!

You've sorta got to tread lightly I think, if you offered to repair it now some fathers may take that personally (call me cynical, I've just known a lot of jerks!). I probably would though, and teach him to repair it at the same time.

Can't stand it when people have no time for their kids So many people nowadays think that their responsibility ends at paying for them and keeping them occupied, regardless of how mind-numbing the pastime is.

 

[Goatboy]

Don't feel guilt for asking his father to do it... we all have to be careful on contact with youngsters these days, maybe get your kid to suggest around at his pals house in earshot of his parents that they get you to show both of them how to fix a puncture? That way his parents know and have a no guilt way of saying yes that's a cool idea. It's a sad reflection that we have to be carefull, but this way no-ones ego is bruised and you're keeping safe.
GB.

 

[demographic]

I would have fixed it I reckon, but I seem to be the bicycle repair man for all the local kids in my area anyway.

There's a few of them that knock on my door whenever they have a problem and it only takes five minutes anyway

 

[Shewie]

You miserable old git Wayne, where's you sense of community spirit ?

I'd have probably done the same though I reckon

 

[dogwood]

Yes, I think you should have taught him how to fix the flat.

It's not to late. Ring him and tell him to come back for a lesson.

The folks here who say "it's not your responsibility" are kind of missing the point of community. If we choose to live with others, we should help them as much as possible and teach young people as much as possible.

As humans, we have accepted that responsibility for more than 1 million years. This is the nature of tribal life and this was the nature of civilized life until urbanization lead us to start closing doors on each other.

The fact you came here and asked the question is ironic -- you're asking people for help with your own choice, when you refused help to a kid.

Indeed, one of the reasons people come here is to ask for help and share knowledge.

I'm not trying to bash you, brother. I just think it was a mistake. Not too late to fix it though.

After all, we're all in this together.

 

[Goatboy]

You miserable old git Wayne, where's you sense of community spirit ?

I'd have probably done the same though I reckon

Shewie you're just being mean... I live in a wee village and always get a parents permission before having contact with their children. Sad but true, but I'm in my 40's and live on my own. So look a prime candidate for being "strange" Have never had a problem, but unfortunately we have to be careful these days. Sad reflection on society and all that.
GB

 

[rancid badger]

How about getting him to fix his own puncture with guidance from yourself, then when he has another he can show his Dad what you have taught him to do to be on the road to self reliance.

Have fun

Very good answer
cheers
R.B.

 

[Firebringer]

Fix a puncture and a child will be able to ride a bike for one flat. Teach him how to fix a puncture and he'll be able to ride for a life time of flats.

I favour the 'fix or teach' how to as opposed to the 'let him walk' camp.

That's not out of any great, social responsibility or life philosophy, just think it's sad that a kid doesn't get to ride his bike. I used to love my bike when I was a kid and guess I'm just thinking of how the kid must feel.

 

[MartinK9]

The folks here who say "it's not your responsibility" are kind of missing the point of community. If we choose to live with others, we should help them as much as possible and teach young people as much as possible.

As humans, we have accepted that responsibility for more than 1 million years. This is the nature of tribal life and this was the nature of civilized life until urbanization lead us to start closing doors on each other.

Sorry, I beg to differ - if someone didn't get off their backside to help the "Tribe" then they went hungry or were cast out.

 

[Opal]

No need to feel guilty, some people act completely different to others without emotion but I'd have sorted his bike and maybe with him, I wouldn't have given his dad a thought.

Theres loads of fat idle dads out there and theres loads of fat helpful dads.

 

[Barney]

Thanks for your considered replies it helped a lot but I am now faced with another dilema.

I stripped down jacks bike and there was no apparent puncture that we could find, whilst I was fixing that Sadiqe(Spelling) came over and he had a puncture as well so I stripped down his and he had a snakebite through running it flat so I fixed that he was not interested in trying to learn how to repair it just wandered about singing to himself. Boyd came over and his dad (FLB) had just bought him a bike for 20 quid.

Boyds bike had no brakes at all nor brake levers, Jacks bike had no rear brake and the lever adjuster on the right lever was broken off , Sadiqes bike had no front brake and non had chainguards reflectors or lights.

Have I fixed their bikes to enable them to speed towards a nasty injury, or even worse?

 

[maddave]

How about getting him to fix his own puncture with guidance from yourself, then when he has another he can show his Dad what you have taught him to do to be on the road to self reliance.

Have fun

Great Idea:You_Rock_

 

[Goatboy]

Yup there's a load of fat idle dads out there, but also a proportion of them are fat idle dads with a phone and a chip on their shoulder. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I'd always check before having first contact with a child, look at the poo that authors and poets are going through before even READING to a child at the moment. I don't agree but I don't want to apear in court either.
GB

 

[demographic]

One point about fixing the local kids pushbikes is that they tend to keen an eye on the house for me, someone comes and knocks at the front while I'm working round the back and they bring whoever it is round for me.