B&Q job application

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Shewie

Mod
Mod
Dec 15, 2005
24,259
24
48
Yorkshire
Got sent this today at work, made me chuckle

Job applictaion submitted by a 75 year old pensioner at the Tunbridge Wells store.


Name:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy b`stard)

Sex:
Not lately, but I`m always looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

Desired position:
Companys Chief Exec or Managing Director. But seriously whatever`s available, if I was in a position to be picky I wouldn`t be applying in the first place - would I ?

Desired salary:
£150,000 pa plus share options and a Tony Blair reduncancy package. If that`s not possible make me an offer and we can haggle.

Education:
Yes

Last position held:
Target for middle management hostility

Previous salary:
A lot less than I`m worth

Most noteable acheivement:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes

Reason for leaving:
It was a crap job

Hours available to work:
Any

Preffered hours:
13:30-15:30 Monday, Tuesday and Thursday

Do you have any special skills?
Yes, but they`re better suited to a more intimate environment

May we contact your current employer?
If I had one would I be here?

Do you have any physical conditions that would prevent you lifting up to 50lbs?
Of what ?

Do you have a car ?
I think the question here should be "do I have a car that runs?"

Have you received any special awards or recognition?
I may already be a winner of the Readers Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me

Do you smoke ?
On the job - No, on my breaks - Yes

What would you like to be doing in 5 years?
Living in the Bahamas with a 6ft blonde supermodel who thinks I`m the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually I`d like to be doing that now

Nearest relative?
7 miles

Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?
Oh yes, absolutely



Old people rock !!

Apparently he got the job because he had the employers in stitches at the interview.
 

crazyclimber

Need to contact Admin...
Jul 20, 2007
571
2
UK / Qatar
lmao... "Apparently he got the job because he had the employers in stiches at the interview." - couldn't agree with them more!!
 
Haha - if he hadn't been given the job I'd have lost my faith in humanity again.
I've lost it many times before - I've always got it back though.

That's a brilliant application form - if I got one like that I'd be on the phone to arrange an interview straight away. :D
 

Tengu

Full Member
Jan 10, 2006
12,781
1,518
51
Wiltshire
<Sulks>

When they ask me what car I have got and I reply `Nissan Skyline GTR` they dont believe me...
 

Silverback

Full Member
Sep 29, 2006
978
15
England
If only it were true but
it's still funny though

Trabdgproylreg.gif
 

WolfCub

Forager
Aug 6, 2008
228
0
Bucks
There goes faith in humanity off for another t-break !!


We've got an old boy who comes in the shop with a sense of humour like that, deffinitely a highlight of the day. Really could do with more like him .
 

Aaron

Need to contact Admin...
Dec 28, 2003
570
0
42
Oxford/Gloucs border
Wassat then?
Looks like some sort of parody on the Google writing but I dunno what it's meant to be.

I believe that it may refer to Tadpole's predeliction for cutting and pasting articles from off of the internet, then attempting to pass them off as his own knowledge. As such, in taking up another member on doing the same, the words 'pot, kettle and black' spring to mind.:)
 

Tadpole

Full Member
Nov 12, 2005
2,842
21
59
Bristol
I see.
Nice font and I suppose a good way of saying it.

I don't want to get caught up in some sort of disagreement though so pat on the back for a humorous "Tadpole"/Google image and I'm out of it. :p
The post is quite funny, I'll grant you that. Silverback and his pet, posting as a couple again. :lmao:
 

woodstock

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Apr 7, 2007
3,568
68
67
off grid somewhere else
<Sulks>

When they ask me what car I have got and I reply `Nissan Skyline GTR` they dont believe me...

I used to own a Lotus Carlton I went for a job interview and parked next to a very tired looking vectra which happened to belong to the manager when I walked into the room he was looking out the window at my car I never got the job
 

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