Avoiding becomming a victim....

[taws6]

Hi,

Not really a 'bushcraft' type thing, but it is a kind of 'survival' type issue.....

Not sure if anyone else gets this, (I'm sure we all do at some time), but in the wrong time and place, I sometimes feel there is something about my body language, mannerisims, posture and / or appearance that makes me appear a bit of a 'soft target' to people who are looking for an easy meal.

Don't get me wrong, I nearly always managed to avoid confruntation and conflict, but I feel something about me draws attention from the wrong sort of people on occasion.

Now, I'm no runt, but I'm no Arnold Schwarzeniger either, average height etc, and I guess I try and shy away from provacation when it is sent my way. I (think) I have a good sence of when things can get messy, and perhaps can be a tad overparanoid, but we can all sence aggression when it is near by, thats just human nature.

Tonight for instance, stopped for petrol, empy garage on my own, lift the nozzle, and a car full of lads pulls up behind me. Instantly my sences are heightened, and I know this could be trouble.

Guess what, they don't have a card between them, but can give me a £10 note if I would be so kind if I can lend them my card to top up with. Now under different circumstances I might of helped em out, but my 'spidy sences' are already going, so I mutter something about being 'at my credit limit', no eye contact, and shy away from their request.

Low and behold, they now magically produce a card , fill up and verbally flip me off. DILLIGAF..... Face, Bovered? Na.

Now I've herd this is a typical scam for blagging a tank full of gas from 'soft' targets, by force if needs be.

In my mind, they deleberatly set about to try and scam me, after deciding I was an 'easy meal'.

Am I too passive, should I confront these encounters more 'head on'?
I just often feel things are already on the edge of turning to voilence, and by being a bit passive, I'm avoiding the likely consequences of provactaion.

Maybe I should learn to alter my body language to be a bit more, how do I put it, 'In yer face', or 'What do fu you want'?

What do you think, and how do you deal, and avoid these situations once they arise?

Cheers for your thoughts

 

[taws6]

Ha, just read my sig, very apt!

 

[KneeOh]

i think as much as some people can sense danger etc coming, some people can sense easy targets etc..
all relative.

ive got one of those faces that people want to hit... apparantly.lol


or it could just be that some people know how to deal with situations better than others...

like

a reply to the guys in the car could have been '' haha nice try mate, if youve got a tenner to give me, then just put a tenner in?''

to be honest ...

i think its a mixture of things

body language(maybe very subtle things, if you feel fear inside, then no doubt its showing outwards too.
looks ( some people do have softer looks about them, i doubt many folk would be cheeky to a gangster looking fella)
experience ( the more your out of your comfort zone and deal with it efficiently, the mor elikely you will have a aura of confidence about you)

 

[beenn]

I often worry when walking home in the dark through town, you get the drunk men thrown out of clubs that want to fight the world and the men who want to kill you for 'looking at their girl'

Im no fighter but if it came to it and someone did hit me i would not hesitate to fight back.

With your story you are the bigger person, you dont need to be no hard person to approach a person who's on their own when your with a 'gang'

I bet if that other bloke was alone he would of kept his head down too!

Be safe! Ben

 

[santaman2000]

Walk softly and carry a big stick. Sound advise almost a century ago and sound advise now.

 

[BOD]

Its all about hair.

I'm taller than the Terminator, medium build but I was always the one the scammers and people looking for a handout approached.

As my hair line receeded I decided that all should go and became a bullet head.

No problems anymore unless I smile.

Try carrying a sports bag with a martial arts club logo / name on the side with a bokken ( Japanese practice sword) sticking out.

 

[Samon]

Most of the time mate the kids in the car have an inflated self confidence and it's not always a matter of how soft a target you look/are. Unless you look like a beast the crappy gangster kids will try their luck.

Personally I've had my fair share of trouble but only ever by groups of guys, that's the case with most conflicts..drunk cocky young men ganging/picking on individuals. So do your best to avoid the times/places to give yourself the best chances to just avoid them all together.

 

[cbr6fs]

It's really all about body language and confidence.

As i was bought up on some pretty rough estates, as i kid i quickly learnt never to look down when passing the local gangs of lads.
You also don't stare to long either, it's more a case of acknowledging they're there but not a lingering stare.

I think that's pretty much carried me well throughout the rest of my life as even though i've been in some really sticky situations a bit of a cocky comment and smile tend to get me through most tough situations.

I also agree that hair and clothes make a difference, when i used to have to wear a shirt and tie it was obvious these sort of folks look at you different.

Best advice i can give is act confident (but not arrogant), if the same situation occurs again nonchalantly check the car out, without really looking in the windows.

End of the day if some scum has you marked out as a target, there is not much you can do about it except defend yourself, but these scum do have a talent for picking the marks that will give em the least amount of trouble.
If you seem confident then there is a good chance they'll look somewhere else.

 

[SimonD]

It's really all about body language and confidence.

As i was bought up on some pretty rough estates, as i kid i quickly learnt never to look down when passing the local gangs of lads.
You also don't stare to long either, it's more a case of acknowledging they're there but not a lingering stare.

I think that's pretty much carried me well throughout the rest of my life as even though i've been in some really sticky situations a bit of a cocky comment and smile tend to get me through most tough situations.

I also agree that hair and clothes make a difference, when i used to have to wear a shirt and tie it was obvious these sort of folks look at you different.

Best advice i can give is act confident (but not arrogant), if the same situation occurs again nonchalantly check the car out, without really looking in the windows.

End of the day if some scum has you marked out as a target, there is not much you can do about it except defend yourself, but these scum do have a talent for picking the marks that will give em the least amount of trouble.
If you seem confident then there is a good chance they'll look somewhere else.

i agree with this. it's a balance between showing you're not scared and not overly provoking a situation. if you're the guy who walks past with his eyes on the floor you're making yourself a target. try to be confident and friendly, even conciliatory in these situations. you also have to be ready to defend yourself should the need arise. sometimes you absolutely have no choice but to defend yourself, as the decision is made for you. in these situations if running is not an option then pre-emptively striking your aggressor is the next best option. then running. if you fear for your own, or someone you're with's safety, it is entirely within the law to use appropriate force to defend yourself or another, pre-emptively. this is also the best way of resolving the situation quickly and with the least amount of injury. personally, i also avoid the likely hot spots for this sort of trouble. pubs in the evening times, walking at night with ipod on, you get the idea. look up geoff thompson, he has a great self defence system, and he really looks at the psychology of these situations, helped me loads years back after i was jumped by 4 lads on the way home from the pub and put in hospital.

 

[John Fenna]

I have never had much of a problem ...but then in my youth I was the "bad boy" and my wife recently said " The older you get the more of a thug you look" - this being just after I had a haircut and beard trim!
I have given up wearing my "Tux" as I just get mistaken for a bouncer

 

[FGYT]

Walk softly and carry a big stick. Sound advise almost a century ago and sound advise now.

and from a lame Filum " Best Defence ...No be there at all " but true

fill up before you have to do it late at night
I always used to treat the Half tank mark as empty and fill up soon as sensible after the needle hit it

so in this case spidey sense was far to late your already in the situation that should have been picked up and avoided hours ago

ATB

Duncan

 

[m.durston]

sorry to hear about your near encounter mate, it only takes one and it can leave you nervous in most normal situations. before i was made the maintenance engineer at work i used to be a parking attendant (booooo hisss) and i could always talk my way out of most situations but after a few dodgy encounters with drunk groups of lads on late night enforcement it got to the point where i would feel a bit nervous everytime a group walked past.
a maybo conflict management course helped a bit as did attending a code red (emergency police needed) one night when these two drunks started on my mate as they walked past him, one threw a punch and it ended up with my mate giving the pair a good shoeing before the police turned and arrested them for assault lol

as others have said before if you project an air of confidence in the way you walk down the street , most will leave you alone.

just typing this has reminded me of when i was filling up my car and i was approched by two fellas asking me to help them jump start their car in the petrol station! alarm bell number 1 for that and the second rang when one of them was eyeing up my weeks shopping in the back.
i told them no i wasnt going to help as it was against heath n safety due to the fire risk. this trew them a little and they returned to their car , started it normally and drove off!
i reckon they wanted to distract me while a mate rifled through the vehicle looking for wallets phones etc.

 

[blacktimberwolf]

Plastic surgery is the answer, get yer selves a Steven Seagal face !

 

[northumbrian]

some good advice on here also maybe learn little bit of self defence which will inturn give you a bit more confidence , but as mention here the best thing to do is avoid all dodgy places and situations. good luck mate and if all else fails start shouting at em in a geordie - scottish accent ! lol

 

[JAG009]

and if all else fails start shouting at em in a geordie - scottish accent ! lol

Yip that will work !!

Jason

 

[HHazeldean]

if all else fails start shouting at em in a geordie - scottish accent ! lol

Or in another language.....

 

[calibanzwei]

Or in another language.....

Or an invented language...

 

[northumbrian]

lol floobby dooby do ! (mr blobby ) i naw, im sad.lol

 

[Ex-member EagleOwl]

Walk fast and look ****** off.

People who don't know me usually don't start with me but people who i know will.

 

[taws6]

Thanks for the advise so far, good to get some different views on these types of situations.

Walk softly and carry a big stick.

Sound advise fella that I guess is my normal way of life, just sometimes these situations catch you slightly off guard, this was one of those rare occasions.

Unless you look like a beast, the crappy gangster kids will try their luck.

Yea, that's what I figure...

i quickly learnt never to look down when passing the local gangs of lads. You also don't stare to long either, it's more a case of acknowledging they're there but not a lingering stare.

I've got to master that glance a bit better, would serve me well in most situations. Problem I do get is when asked something, I talk a bit different too which I can see gets picked up too.

Obviously avoid the situation if possible, but sometimes it's unavoidable, and you gotta choose....so one question for ya, if you see a group further up the road you need to pass, and think could be trouble, do you cross the road and obviously try to avoid passing right by them, or hold your own and skim past? No need to provoke, but crossing shows weakness. Tough call.

Sometimes I've acted a bit psyco / nut job, wide eyed vacant look when approached, and that's worked well on a couple of occasions.

As some say, the best form of defence is too take the offensive. Had 1 occasion where the cocky git of the group started mouthing off, again on my own with a couple of female friends, and I could just see the weakness and hesiation in his friends body language. So I stepped it up a gear, loud and verbally aggressively, and had all 5 rapidly shrink away like little mice. Turned the tables perfectly with that one, but it could of gone wrong and end up with me getting a pasteing !

Best advice i can give is act confident (but not arrogant),

it's a balance between showing you're not scared and not overly provoking a situation

Fully agree, no need to provoke, it sounds like most situations need assessing differently depending and require a fine balance.
Sorry to hear about your stay in the hospital Simon, good to know you got out okay.