Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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Monday evening,...finish work, late!! catch all the traffic en route home, get in to find SWTSMBO watching Judge Judy, followed by corrie the eastenders, then more corrie and now I'm a celeb get me out of here, do'nt you just love monday evenings???
sorry spleen vented!
<grasps ear lobes betwixt thumb and forefingers> oohsaaaaaaaaaaaa!
thankyou Tony and co for BCUK most certainly a life belt today!!
Cheers Tim
 

bushtank

New Member
Jan 9, 2007
337
2
48
king lynn
I know just what you mean Tim. My wife cannot understand how i can be on the web for hrs at a time while she is watching utter crap
 

SOAR

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jan 21, 2007
2,031
4
45
cheshire
not been watching tv for a year now, just fed up with it, if there is a good nature program or Top gear I might have a butchers, thats if its on BBC1 or 2 as or areial needs sorting out they are the only two channels we can watch, still no more corrie.
 

spamel

Banned
Feb 15, 2005
6,833
21
45
Silkstone, Blighty!
i find soaps like Eastenders totally depressing! That Ian Beale character is always whining and looks like he is one step from suicide! In fact, they all do! I doubt I would know half of the characters if I sat down to watch it. Thankfully!
 

Mattk

Forager
Nov 2, 2007
216
1
68’ North
No soaps here too, just factual nature type stuff. Tim you have my sympathy. Ray Mears forgot about the average household in his 'world of survival' series, it's more harsh than the arctic or Ahrnemland!! :D
 

SOAR

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Jan 21, 2007
2,031
4
45
cheshire
i find soaps like Eastenders totally depressing! That Ian Beale character is always whining and looks like he is one step from suicide! In fact, they all do! I doubt I would know half of the characters if I sat down to watch it. Thankfully!

That soap is only any good when its kicking off with some naff looking eastend villans.
 

rancid badger

Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)
Inspector morse, C.S.I. everywhere in the world, midsomer murder school- basically, every billy bunter crime show going! honestly I'm not exaggerating here, even Duck Van Dyke(sp?)
You lot don't know how well off you are!
Thank the stars for cheapo digi boxes and portable tele/dvd combo's
Planet Earth, several Knobby Mears discs, Jack Hargreaves, etc. etc.

apparently the stuff I prefer is "boring"

Ditto that Arrrrrggggghhhh!

Calming down again now
Calming down
Calm
Sighhhhhhhh!
:D
R.B.
 

Mattk

Forager
Nov 2, 2007
216
1
68’ North
part #1

Intro: Ray walks up a surburban garden path talking into camera...' This is one of the harshest environments known to man, here you have to put all of your survival skills into practice'

Ray walks through the front door 'The key to any survival situation in this environment is knowing where the main fusebox is located' Ray walks over to the understairs cupboard 'What you are looking for is a white box but often it takes a bit of effort to get to, a good torch is useful in the hunt for it' Ray tries the door handle with no luck, he gets out his axe and turns to camera 'This is where a good sharp axe comes into it's own' CRASH!..Ray hacks down the door and peers inside with his torch 'A-ha this is what I'm looking for' ..Ray carefully edges off the cover of the fusebox with his knife 'Inside here is your key to turning the situation into something that's bearable' BZZZZZZZZT (everything goes black) Ray turns to the camera and lights up his face with the torch 'Now you have a survival situation that's in your favour'.......
 

Nat

Full Member
Sep 4, 2007
1,476
0
York, North Yorkshire
part #1

Intro: Ray walks up a surburban garden path talking into camera...' This is one of the harshest environments known to man, here you have to put all of your survival skills into practice'

Ray walks through the front door 'The key to any survival situation in this environment is knowing where the main fusebox is located' Ray walks over to the understairs cupboard 'What you are looking for is a white box, a good torch is useful in the hunt for it' Ray carefully edges off the cover of the fusebox with his knife 'Inside here is your key to turning the situation into something that's bearable' BZZZZZZZZT (everything goes black) Ray turns to the camera and lights up his face with the torch 'Now you have a survival situation that's in your favour'.......


Fantastic :You_Rock_ :lmao:
 

Mattk

Forager
Nov 2, 2007
216
1
68’ North
Part #1

Intro: Ray walks up a surburban garden path talking into camera...' This is one of the harshest environments known to man, here you have to put all of your survival skills into practice'

Ray walks through the front door 'The key to any survival situation in this environment is knowing where the main fusebox is located' Ray walks over to the understairs cupboard 'What you are looking for is a white box but often it takes a bit of effort to get to, a good torch is useful in the hunt for it' Ray tries the door handle with no luck, he gets out his axe and turns to camera 'This is where a good sharp axe comes into it's own' CRASH!..Ray hacks down the door and peers inside with his torch 'A-ha this is what I'm looking for' ..Ray carefully edges off the cover of the fusebox with his knife 'Inside here is your key to turning the situation into something that's bearable' BZZZZZZZZT (everything goes black) Ray turns to the camera and lights up his face with the torch 'Now you have a survival situation that's in your favour'.......

A loud scream is heard in the dark 'What the **** is going on, I'm missing ******* eastenders!' Ray looks worried 'That is the sound of danger and your best bet is to carefully edge away without making a sound, running will only draw attention to yourself and that mave prove fatal' Ray carefully steps away from the camera and walks into the kitchen, he shines his torch around and and locates a packet ready meal 'This doesn't make for good eating but in an emergency survival situation it provides a little energy to fuel you body but long-term eating you may suffer dire concequences'. Ray turns to camera 'What I'm looking for is very hard to find but is worth the effort in the first place'. He spends the next few minutes rumaging around in various cupboards...'and here is what I'm looking for, well worth the hard work' He picks up an apple and takes a bite, 'Whoa now that's good eating, succulent and sweet' He turns to the soundman 'My soundman has always wanted to try this' Camera points to soundman as he takes a bite and he smiles. Ray continues to devour the apple.......

<Scenes of the kitchen and music>

Ray turns out of the kitchen and makes his way into the hallway and along to the bottom of the stairs. 'When hiking up stairs you must be aware of how much your body will perspire, it's always better to take off a layer of clothing before you start to sweat, you want to minimise you chances of chill when you stop' Halfway up the stairs Ray turns to camera 'This will use a lot of energy but it is far safer to locate a quiet out of the way place to rest for the night' At the top of the stairs Ray looks exhausted ' That was hard work' He points his torch upwards to reveal a hatch in the ceiling.....'Now I need to improvise' Ray gets out his axe and sizes up the banisters on the stairail, he chops a number of lengths 'that's perfect just what I need'
 

Mattk

Forager
Nov 2, 2007
216
1
68’ North
'Now all I need is something to lash these together' Ray shines his torch around to another door located near him ' If I'm right in here is a source of good twine' Ray opens the door and rummages around and pulls out an expensive ladies wool jumper, he takes out his knife and cuts along the sleeve, after a few mins shows to camera a few lengths of wool twine. 'What you are going to make is a ladder, this will prove invaluable in any quick escape you may have to do.'Ray lashes together a ladder out of the expensive ladies wool jumper and lengths of banister rail. 'Now lets see if this is going to work' He starts to climb up the ladder and pushes the hatch open 'Perfect a safe place to sleep for the night with minimal risk of attack' Ray puts a few things through the hatch and climbs down. 'Now all I need is a source of water, the human body can survive weeks without food but only days without water' He walks towards the bathroom and turns on the tap a foul stentch of chloride makes him turn up his nose 'This water is not safe to drink and will certainly lead to long-term memory loss what I need to do is make it safe' Ray takes out a little hand pump 'In here is iodine and a charcoal filter, this will kill and bacteria and make the water safe to drink' Ray pumps for a while and fills up his 58 pattern army bottle 'Right that's me all set time to set up camp for the night'........
 

British Red

M.A.B (Mad About Bushcraft)
Dec 30, 2005
25,781
703
Mercia
I feel Comic Relief may wish to use this..............

I still think its all going to go horribly wrong.........

He's deliberately bated the she thing....almost (sorry Ray) unBEARably silly

keep it up Matt :D

Red
 

Mattk

Forager
Nov 2, 2007
216
1
68’ North
Apologies but I've got a terrible sense of childish humour at times :D Tim gave me the idea with his post, it's his fault!!
 

scottishwolf

Settler
Oct 22, 2006
831
8
40
Ayr
Monday evening,...finish work, late!! catch all the traffic en route home, get in to find SWTSMBO watching Judge Judy, followed by corrie the eastenders, then more corrie and now I'm a celeb get me out of here, do'nt you just love monday evenings???
spleen vented!
<grasps ear lobes betwixt thumb and forefingers> oohsaaaaaaaaaaaa!
thankyou Tony and co for BCUK most certainly a life belt today!!
Cheers Tim

Thats why I have a shed with a halogen heater, beer, a radio and lots of knives ;)

One dose of corrie is bad enough without all the other crap aswell.....lol
 

John Fenna

Lifetime Member & Maker
Oct 7, 2006
22,371
1,921
64
Pembrokeshire
I have never watched a full episode of any soap/reality/tallent(?) prog ever - and coz of this I am carp at most tv quiz shows!
Dumbing down or what!
I am out 5 nights a week so I miss a lot anyway and only have the terestrial channels as it is....but I like my fixes of The Simpsons, countryside/bushcraft progs, archeological/historical progs, adventure(as in Long Way Down) and anything with Clarkson and co in it (hate cars though.....)
Soaps are for cleaning self and kit when I get home from the woods!
 

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