Your most heroic failure (s)

[Matthew.Passmore]

Hmm I learnt the hard way not to use a Terra Nova laser in the snow when I woke up with the tent roof resting on my face and a little damp

 

[Grooveski]

One broken collar bone, two broken teeth and a very bent bike. Got two weeks off school though

Oh, ouch!
You just reminded me of a bike based fiasco when I was about twelve that I haven't thought of for years.

The council had dug up a storm drain at the bottom of a wee hill leaving a trench about six foot wide with the earth piled up on one side. A couple of us had been over it on dirt bikes at the weekend and convinced ourselves and the other kids that it was doable on push bikes as well.
First to try bottled it, tried to stop and ended up down the drain. My first shot I nearly made it on my raleigh commando but caught the back wheel on the lip. Got flipped off and destroyed the rim.
Next to try was a lad on a grifter. Done the same as I had but his bike survived.
By now there were three of us all gravel rashed and tearful and the other kids were starting to think better of it. The only lad with a suitable bike(an early bmx) wasn't for it and certainly wasn't lending his pride and joy out.

I borrowed the grifter, gave it my all and managed to clear the trench. Messed up the landing though - feet slipped off the pedals, nuts mashed into the crossbar, face smacked into the handlebars, toes dragging along the road behind me..........
Total shambles - kept it upright though! Cue applause from all around!

My mum's reaction when I showed up back at the house wasn't so entertaining. Split lip, shoes trashed, bike left down in the village needing a new wheel....
...was worth it though.


Bushy-wise it'd have to be the knapping demo in the pouring rain at the meet in the lakes. Best of material and fresh from a day with John Lord and I produced nothing but rubble.

 

[tobes01]

OK, just saw this - time to cut and paste from something I said in the Full Member Forum earlier.

Nightmare public speaking experiences? Before addressing a room with a couple of hundred folk in it, I made the mistake of having the prawn curry for the buffet lunch.

Everything went really badly wrong in the trouser department about 10 minutes before I was on stage, with no notice whatsoever, and we had - how shall I say this delicately - a bit of a 'bicycle clip' moment. Explosively so. Had to hide my underpants behind the cistern and clean my suit up as best I could.

And I had to do the presentation afterwards. 45 minutes in front of 200ish people, no script to follow, just an on-the-spot talk. OK, so I kept it to the point, and delivered with my back to the wall - and I fled the room straight afterwards...

 

[Bogman10]

Robopoo is just genius!Thanks for the laugh

I once tried to light an army hexi stove and had trouble getting the block to light so in my infinate wisdom i poured some petrol on it.
That worked.
I then watched a neat little trail of fire go from the stove to the petrol can.
I freaked out and kicked the can over.
Cue:inferno
All this took place in my parents garage by the way...

Flames up the wall into the roof,felt and joists on fire.
Had to find my parents and tell them,er,the garage is on fire.
30 mins and 2 fire engines later all was good.

I never knew how hard my father could kick until that moment

This was over 25 years ago and it still haunts me
I can still see tar drips down the walls on my folks wall.

Theres a lesson here somewhere!

Lesson = Never admit to anything ( even if you are not a politician! )

 

[mayobushcraft]

Nicliv that was a great story.
My story dosnt come close to topping yours but I hope it puts a smile on everyones face.
Mine is not bushcraft related. When I was about 15 my friend and I would ride his bike with me on the handle bars. This was in Florida and we decided to go swimming down at the lake. So I jumped on the handlebars and we took off. We had to go down the paved road then it turned to a dirt road I said lets ride the bike into the water. He thought that was a great idea. Only we didnt know someone had made a fire in the past. Then burried the unburned logs under the soft sand. Well we managed to hit the logs I went flying through air the bike and my friend went over me and we both hit the ground all tangled up with each other and the bike. As I thought about weather I was hurt or not I heard my friend start to moan and then start to laugh. So I started laughing with him. So we were fine until we realized that we had landed in a fire ant mound. Now picture two kids covered in ants be stung all over making a mad dash to the water. By the way we call them pissants because the bite the **** out of you.

 

[Bogman10]

One time a buddy and I were fishing on his boat, he was breaking in a brand new fishing rod, I was standing on the bow, he was leaning against the motor ( 21 foot big boat ) I was playing out a medium sized Pike, when I hear a giant splash! I look over to see my Buddy in the lake holding his new rod as I drift away in the boat. Turns out he was trying to do a back side arm cast, the rod slipped out of his hand ,and when he reached for it, he fell out of the boat. He was fine (very embarrassed , and to this day I bring it up lol )and the rod was safe.
He has paid me back though, as I have only ever had 2 cracked axe handles in my life, both times It was because I lent him my axe! Never to happen again!

 

[Bush Monkey]

The bowlander compettion 2008. Everything went wrong. The main thing i rember is my mate lighting the stove which was spewing gas EVERYWHERE. Nearly set fire to all our tents. Then one of our team mates fell ill because it froze in the night and the tent she was useing was S**T. but i reckon we could of won if we didnt have to drop out becuase we were 1 man down.

 

[DavidJT]

Discovered I have a decent right jab when the string on my longbow came loose at full draw once. Punched myself in the mouth. I suppose a 55lb Punch according to Newton

 

[Bogman10]

Discovered I have a decent right jab when the string on my longbow came loose at full draw once. Punched myself in the mouth. I suppose a 55lb Punch according to Newton

i hope you got up and Punched yourself right back!!

 

[bearbait]

I used to do a lot of sailing - thousands of miles coastal and blue water in various sailing craft from 20' to 70'+, including single-handed. Took a lot of pride in my navigation and seamanship - I was most definately not a weekend "yottie". Used to try and execute most manoeuvres, wherever possible, under sail, or using warps, tackles, manpower etc. Beery weekend away with the boys in the Solent on my boat, and heading into Newtown Creek on the Isle of Wight, tide ebbing. Only had the jib (headsail) up and I knew before I started the approach the boat would have been better balanced with some main up as well - but boys will be boys - and we were looking forward to the first tinny of the day! Anyway it was short tack, long tack, short tack, long tack, etc. etc. to get in. I could see it was all going very slowly wrong, what with the leeway, the unbalanced rig and the ebbing tide but I hung on the bitter embarrassing end thinking I could crack it. Completely missed the entrance to Newtown Creek altogether and ran almost 4 tons of yacht straight up the beach at 3 - 4 knots, much to the amusement of a number of sea anglers fishing from the beach. On an ebbing (falling) tide I had only seconds to recover the situation so we cranked in the sail to heel the boat more to reduce the draft and fired up the engine, into gear full speed astern, and we slowly slid off the beach. As soon as we were floating again, sod to seamanship, furl the sail and motor into the creek slowly under engine. I'd like to say I enjoyed the first tinny but after embarrassment like that it was a case of "I need a drink!".

 

[salan]

Mine is not bushcraft related but was a very lucky escape.
I was about 12 at the time and was clearing my parents garden of undergrowth. I had a massive bonfire ready for lighting.
I decided to light this and went to get the can of kero. I liberally poured this all over the fire, turned around and put the can down. Turned around and lit a match and throw it in. I turned around and started to walk back to the shed. All of a sudden, there was an almighty 'Thump' and flames whipped around me. The earth literally shook!.
What had happened was I had got a hold of the petrol can!
The old lady from next door came out and said did you hear that bang? I said calmly 'yes it was just me lighting the bonfire'
My sister came out and said what the **** had I done? I asked why?
She said that some ornaments had fallen off the shelves in the front room!!!
I was NOT hurt very lucky I think!
Alan

 

[Sleepy Weasel]

Had the brilliant idea as a kid to take some match heads and try to reduce them to powder by gently crushing them in a pellet tin lid, in my bedroom. One box of Bryant and May's finest later and I had a good size pile of matchheads ready for reducing to powder. So I start crushing gently, using common sense and using a wooden spoon handle to do the crushing, I didn't want any sparks you see. Sadly I didn't reckon on the fact that matches don't like being crushed, wooden spoon or not and the whole lot decided to go up.

Try explaining to your mates at school why you have no eyebrows.........

Or nostril hair...........

 

[ganstey]

The story of how I bought my woodland (from my blog)...


Having looked at the details for two adjoining plots of land, I decided to take a look. A nearby farm does B&B so I decided to go down after work one summer's Friday, stay overnight at the farm and have a good look round on the Saturday before returning home. My night's stay was booked and I headed off.

Not really having any idea of how long it would take to get there I allowed 4 hours. However it turned out that it only took two and a half. So I arrived at the wood about 8 o'clock in the evening. Being much too early to go down to the farm, I decided to have a look round the wood first. With the sun not setting until about 9, I had plenty of time - or so I thought.

The undergrowth is so thick that its hard to see very far in any direction. So I decided to make for the southern boundary and follow that for a bit. This was easily done. I then followed a series of deer tracks through the wood, ending up at the stream on the far side of the wood. By now it was getting on toward 9 so I decided to head back to the car, even though I had only covered half of the wood. Having located the boundary between the two plots, I calculated that the car was pretty much due east from where I was. And so I set off.

After trudging through the undergrowth for a while I suddenly came upon a fence I couldn't identify, and a field full of cows beyond it. Hmmm... A good few minutes were spent trying to work out where I was. By now it was almost dark, and the few landmarks that are visible from the wood were fading into the gloom.

I think I better ring the farm and tell them I'm going to be a bit late. Luckily I can remember their phone number. "Hello, its Graham here. I'm lost in the wood". I tried to describe the location and the fact that I was stood next to a field of cows. "Hmm" says Pete, "The only cows I know of are mine, and they're all inside". OK, lets try something else. I can hear a chainsaw being used. Pete can't. Let's try and get a bearing. The sun has completely gone now, but there is a lighter patch in the sky. Pete says that's in the west, so I need to head directly away from it and that will put me near to the road. Iris' father was about to leave and he agreed to sound his car horn as he passed the gate, so I could get a bearing off that. Well, I never did hear it.

So I turned about and headed off, keeping in as straight a line as possible... and sunk up to my knees in mud! With both legs stuck fast I lose my balance and fall over backwards into the mud. Dragging my legs out of the mud, one of my trainers comes off - coming straight from work I wasn't exactly dressed for the wilderness - leaving it somewhere in the mud. With no change of clothes I had to find it.

The next 15-20 minutes was spent digging around in the mud trying to find the trainer. With the mud being cold and wet, I soon lost any sensitivity in my fingers so I ended up scooping up anything that wasn't watery. Eventually I found it, packed full of mud.

Having regained a full set of clothing I set of again, and soon found another bit of marshy bog. I was now so wet and muddy I decided it was better to 'swim' through it rather than try and go round and lose my direction again. Having swam across another couple of streams I finally found solid ground, and a deer track that I recognised.

A few minutes later I was back at the car. Wet, and plastered in mud. I scraped the worst off with my bare hands, but it didn't have much of impact on my general appearance. The next problem is how the get myself and the car down to the farm without covering the inside of the car with mud as well. I can't sit down in the car as I am, without plastering the driver's seat in mud. I also can't put my trainers on without spending ages clearing the mud out of them.

The only clean clothing I had in the car was my coat. So I took the decision to take of my shoes, socks and trousers, and put my coat on (which luckily came down to my knees) to drive down to the farm. By now Pete and Iris were getting a bit worried, and were looking out for the car. So when I pulled up, Iris came out to meet me. So I get out of the car, seemingly wearing nothing but a coat! "Hello, I've had a bit of an accident" says I.

It takes a few minutes fighting back the laughter to explain what had happened. I asked if they had a hosepipe I could use to wash myself and my clothes down. Iris told me to go upstairs and have a bath and go to bed, and to leave my clothes outside the door and she'd sort them out.

After a fairly good night's sleep I woke up and wondered what I was going to do now. I didn't know where my clothes were, and there were two elderly ladies also staying that night. So I gingerly opened the door, and found my clothes, clean and neatly folded outside my room.

I dressed and sheepishly went down for breakfast. Luckily the two ladies had no idea of the events of the night before. I got a few wry smiles and a friendly ribbing from Iris. I paid up and left later that morning. After all that I still bought the wood!

G

 

[TeeGeeBee]

On the procurement of my first hammock, after borrowing one and not having used it. I was in hurry to finish work and try it out, even if it was only in the garden and a few hours watching the night's blaze of stars & moon. Now I have a small garden and slinging the hammock was found to be problematic, i.e. getting enough space between attachment points, while not knocking over any wood stacks.

I figured that if one end was slung from a climbing sling & krab, off the end of my low barn. And the other end off a loop of fencing wire, which in turn I threaded through the ancient, 2'6" wide drystone wall, of the steps to the entrance door. Things would be ok, I may even be able to use it in the future. I threaded the wire an rounded a cut-off of a fencing post, (just to spread the anchoring force) and backed through the wall. Made a loop and finished off the turn, so no sharp edges could rip any material.

I've got about 1.75hrs. left before it's totally dark. Ok, anchors placed and hammock slung, now to test the waters. I get in but it's a bit slack. Get out, shorten the barn sling by a third and get back in. Feels ok, then some slumping, look up, no. it's ok it's just the wire stretching a bit. Not yet dark enough for local owls but there's afew bats. I know, some music maybe. Go and get the cordless headphones with music to suit mood and back into hammock.

Now if I'd not had the music, I could have got some inkling of what was about to happen. But I had music and was enjoying the mood of the first ten minutes, of being in my own hammock. Then a loud crack and BOOM! Lots of rumbling and I was on the floor, with lots of tiny slate shards bouncing around me. I get up and look around. Then I hear a neighbour, who is less than fit, hurrying along the track. He gets to my gate, looks at me, looks at the garden, I follow his gaze as he takes in the half ton of slate in the garden, then onto the half ton of slate on the garden workbench above where my head had been. "What the hell have you been doing?" he gasps. So I explain I was trying a hammock out. Then another two concerned neighbours appear. They, as I had thought one of the local quarries had been blasting. It certainly sounded like a quarry shot. No it was just the wire ripping through the post, then dragging the post and 4' of wall into the garden.

I spent the next 2hrs. making safe, dismantling another 3' of wall and rebuidling. Some of it done by light of a headtorch. The next day, I spent another 30mins tidying the garden & the wall.

I now hang it from a new 12'x6"x6" oak post and a barn-door hinge.

TGB

 

[johnnytheboy]

We did loads of things when we were kids,

The sience teacher had a machine that heated a wire up as a demonstration of current, so i thought i would replacate this in my bedroom and burn some paper etc with the hot wire, off came the flex from the ghettoblaster and a copper wire went in both ends of the flex, switched it on. Woke up on the other side of the room, my mum came running in asking whats happening, bluffed my way out of that one, god knows how the place was stinking of me, I was on fire.

We got a load of bullets one time as well, we found a rock that had a groove in the op surface so we decided to pour all the gun powder in it to blow up the rock, so we broke open the bullets and poured it in with a wee trail, like the cowboys we intended to light it and run. I lit it and have never lost so much hair so quickly

 

[Bogman10]

Johnny the boy it's sounds like you got lucky growing up to be Johnny the man! LOL