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Stoopid jokes

Discussion in 'Other Chatter' started by nickliv, Dec 4, 2010.

  1. nickliv

    nickliv Settler

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    As the cracker season is approaching, here's somewhere for all your stupid jokes.

    What's black and white and eats like a horse?



    A zebra

    your turn now.
     
  2. drewdunnrespect

    drewdunnrespect On a new journey

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    whats black and white and read all over

    a newspaper
     
  3. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    Whats brown and sticky?




    A Stick
     
  4. drewdunnrespect

    drewdunnrespect On a new journey

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    what did the hungry dalmation say after a slap up three course meal

    my god that hit the spots
     
  5. John Fenna

    John Fenna Lifetime Member & Maker

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    An embaressed Nun
    A Sunburned peguin
    A sunburned Zebra
    A bloodstained pedestrian crossing
    etc etc
     
  6. Barn Owl

    Barn Owl Old Age Punk

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    Great..another chance to roll out my fave..

    Why do Elephants paint their testes red? :eek:


    To hide up the cherry trees of course..:rolleyes:


    What makes the loudest noise in the jungle?


    A Giraffe eating cherries..:yikes::lmao:
     
  7. bojit

    bojit Native

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    didn't tarzan die picking cherries?:lmao:

    Craig..........
     
  8. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    How did Tarzan die?


    Went cherry picking....
     
  9. Teepee

    Teepee Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    Q. What's grey and cant climb trees?...

    A. A car park.
     
  10. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    Why do elephants where green felt hats?


    so they can walk over pool tables with out being see.
     
  11. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    What has 8 legs and can kill you?




    snooker table falling out a tree....
     
  12. Highbinder

    Highbinder Full Member

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    What do you call an exploding monkey? A BABOOM!
     
  13. Melonfish

    Melonfish New Member

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    why did the monkey fall out the tree? ... it was dead.
    why did the squirrel fall out the tree? ...thought it was a monkey
    why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? ... holding the first squirrels hand.
    why did the third squirrel fall out the tree? ...he thought it was a game.


    I met a Dutch girl the other week with inflatable shoes. i phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs..
    So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays"

    this one is so awful!
    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and and a deep southern drawl announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
     
  14. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    !!!


    Sorry - Plz Close Melonfish wins



    :)
     
  15. bb07

    bb07 Native

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    this one is so awful!
    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and and a deep southern drawl announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    Bad?Maybe...one of my grandfather's favourite jokes:
    What did the Indian say when his dog fell off the cliff?-doggone
    Now that's bad:rolleyes:
     
    #15 bb07, Dec 4, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2010
  16. BarryG

    BarryG Nomad

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    My mate just offered me 8 legs of venison for £40
    Is that too deer?
     
  17. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    kk, just asked my eldest (7) for jokes...

    what do you get if you cross two gold fish with an elephant?

    swimming trunks!


    What do Sheep like to eat...

    a big Barrr of chocolate.




    doggone = is bad but still mad me smile :)
     
  18. Shambling Shaman

    Shambling Shaman Bushcrafter (boy, I've got a lot to say!)

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    Living on a shooting Estate - that took my a min to get rofl
     
  19. Wild Thing

    Wild Thing Native

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    What's yellow and dangerous...Shark infested Custard

    What's yellow and goes Slam,Slam,Slam,Slam...a 4 door banana


    What's the difference between a woman with PMT and a Terrorist.........You can negotiate with terrorists.

    Two blondes walk into a building... you thought they would have seen it.

    When is a door not a door...when it's ajar

    My dogs got no nose..., Your dogs got no nose, how does he smell?...bloody awful.

    Enough from me...i'm off
     
  20. Northern Giant UK

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    Think they're bad eh?!? . . . .

    What goes 99 clump . . . . . . . . . . .A centipede with a wooden leg
    How do you keep an idiot in suspense . . . . . . . . .I'll tell you tomorrow
    what do you call a deer with no eyes . . . . . . . .No Idea
    What do you call a dog with no ears . . . . . . .Anything you like , it won't come to you
    what do you call a blind dinosour . . . . . . . Doyouthinkesaurus
    How does Santa like his pizza . . . . . . . Deep pan crisp & even
    What's yellow and swings thru the jungle. . . . . . . . . . . TARZIPAN!!

    Now they're baaad :)

    Kev
     
    #20 Northern Giant UK, Dec 4, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2010

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