101 SPOOF top tips

[wagger tribe]

all ways carry a barral of oil for easy fier lighiting

 

[swamp donkey]

Rubbing charcol on your face is a natural insect repellant. (tried and tested!)

Do not bother with a zoom lens on your camera just run towards the subject.

 

[bogflogger]

Save money on expensive compasses, navigate by following aircraft contrails and cross-reference, using a free airline timetable.

 

[elma]

Don't eat yellow snow :yikes:

 

[bogflogger]

Find North easily at night! Just project a line from the front wheels of the Constellation "The Shopping Trolley."

 

[scanker]

This is beginning to sound a bit like Viz Top Tips:

NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.

 

[filcon]

Listen and trust the weatherforecasters, there last jobs were lawyers and MP,S.

 

[wagger tribe]

always carry somthing hevy with you that you do not need. so if you need to run you can though it away to run faster

 

[Tony]

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.

:You_Rock_ Very good, I've jsut sat here reading these and had a very hearty chuckle

 

[rich59]

When pitching your tent on a slope always point the door uphill for ease of getting out.

A hand drill expert need never take anything with him to light fires as he will always be able to find wood to rub together where ever he goes.

 

[scanker]

Spoof tips!

You want this thread:
http://www.bushcraftuk.com/community/showthread.php?t=11201

 

[william#]

can i request people to post more spoofs its really enjoyable and gives me something to say round campfire with my limmited conversation skills lol
also any storeys of putting rocks in packs or the famous tent moving tricks very welcome

 

[Eric_Methven]

If you're caught out in the wilderness with a dose of diarrhoea, simply swallow a teaspoonful of Bisto. It won't cure the skitters, but it'll thicken it up nicely.

Eric

 

[Matt Weir]

Not sure about the toxicity of flora whilst out in the bush? Always take extreme precaution and let your buddy try some first!

 

[brancho]

Drunken friends are easily confused when (on some olds tents) tou trun the outer so the door no longer lines up with inner
If very drunk move your mates sleeping bag ionto the lake as long he is in it. First thought is ive p***ed th ebed again.

 

[Brocktor]

dont forget to bring a battery charger with you on a wilderness trip to ensure you always have a working torch

if you get lonely on a UK wilderness trip you can always pop into the local pub just a 10 minute walk away

"don't worry about all the dangerous animals on the african planes I assure you they are all tame" - Ray Mears.

to avoid running out of food while on a camping trip take a rotting steak - now you will have a continuing supply of maggots.

if one of your fellow explorers has a breakdown and is about to give up the hike - give him a maggot

 

[Matt Weir]

When hiking in Grizzly country you can increase your chances of survival by teaming up with someone who can't run as fast as yourself.

 

[william#]

thought it was time to bump this thread slipped away far to far down the line

 

[Biker]

When hiking in Grizzly country you can increase your chances of survival by teaming up with someone who can't run as fast as yourself.

Did anyone else hear that burst of laughter I just gave out reading the posting above? Just tooooo funny that.

I was looking for more Bushcraft Betty ideas. I think I just hit the mother load!

 

[Northern Giant UK]

Hmmn, well given tips 10 - 15 I think it's OK to add these . .

Does your chewing gum lose it's flavour on the bedpost overnight?

and. .

What did Robinson Crusoe do with Friday on Saturday night?

Aah the oldies.

Kev.