Rumbled !

[falling rain]

I had a call this morning (at work in a hospital helpdesk) from a right moaning old bat complaining that the breakfast trays had not been cleared and generally moaning about.......... 'it always gets done at 08:30 and it's now 08:35' moan , moan ,moan........chuffing well moan. Anyway I radioed the catering supervisor and said' "Greg, there's a real pain in the a*se lady on the phone moaning about the breakfast trays. For heavens sake it's only 5 minutes late, can you go up and clear them to keep the old nag quiet".................no problem there............except I forgot to put the phone on mute and she heard every word I said. ........... . 5 minutes later I'm duly called into the office by my manager who actually thought it was quite funny but still asked me to write a letter of apology :11doh: . How about some............. 'The time I put my foot in it' stories.

 

[Tony]

Now that's funny :You_Rock_

 

[falling rain]

I felt like a school boy going to see the headmaster

 

[ilovemybed]

Oh dear! Sounds like you need to make up some codewords!

Similar stories? Well once, I was having a team meeting at work. We had missed a deadline and were in a whole heap of trouble. Something even worse had come up, and my boss was asking how to handle it.

My response was that well, we were in about as much trouble as we could be so admitting to the other thing wouldn't make things any worse.

However, I used the old local phrase "Well if we're going to get shot for stealing the sheep, we might as well **** is as well..."

Then the speakerphone on the desk shouted "WHAT???!".

I had forgotten our colleagues in the US had dialled in to the meeting....

 

[andy_pevy]

Many years ago, my then girlfriend (now wife) used to call me at 1PM on a Thursday, so it was 1PM and my desk phone rings, I answer it "Camberley lunatic assylum, Napoleon speaking" and there was a deathly hush.... It turns out it wasn't my GF, but the managing director, in a board meeting, and to make matters worse he was using a speaker phone.... Eventually he thought it funny.... Ho hum.

Andy

Going Bushcrafting with 20 Scouts next weekend, and cant wait.

 

[Lithril]

Fantastic, thats made my day that one.

 

[falling rain]

Excellent keep 'em coming.
Another one for me was at Glastonbury festival last year. I was demo'ing Bowdrill in the green craft field for 5 days and there was a chap and his girlfreind next to us doing some other craft. We got talking to them and the chap had very long thick hair and he had it down for the first couple of days. Everyone was walking around with those plastic Spock ears you can clip on over your real ears. Anyway on the 3rd day the chap and his girlfriend came over for a cuppa and he had his hair in a ponytail tied back for the first time since I'd met him. I said "oh I see you've got some of those spock ears then"...................there was deadly silence for a few moments.......... and a couple of bails of tumble weed blew past with the wind.............. and he replied in a quite miffed voice that "they were his own ears just a little large"......................a little large? he wasn't kidding they were humoungus, and I'd genuinely thought at first glance he had got himself the spock ears everyone was wearing ..............they didn't come over for a cuppa for the rest of the festival :sadwavey:

 

[Graham_S]

i did the old "stonehenge, duty druid speaking" on the phone at work one day (i was bored)
it was my boss. not amused.

not as bad as the time he caught me "doing the time warp" on top of a table though....

 

[British Red]

Now Graham we need more Rocky Horror details.

Mine is someone else really


Many years ago working for a large consultancy late on a Friday and a phone rings. Theres only me and one other fellah in the office. The phone is on an unccupied desk. I studiously ignore it. Eventually the other fellah wanders over (before remote pickup this) and picks it up, gave the firms name and says " Can I help you".

Very plummy voice starts to demand loads of reports, information etc.

Colleague: "I'm sorry, we have finshed for the weekend, could you put your request in writing and someone will deal with it next week?".

Plummy voice : "Do you know who I am?"

Colleague "No?"

Plummy voice "I am the managing director of our biggest client and you will do what I ask!"

Colleague "Do you know who I am?"

Plummy voice "No?"

Colleague "Well why don't you **** off then!". He then hung up and left.

I left a little later. Guess who security ID'd as the last bloke around on Friday in the ensuing witch hunt on Monday

Red

 

[mark a.]

Great stuff!

I'm a paragon of tact and discreetness, so nothing from me. But my brother once had a video conference with a client. At the end they said their goodbyes to each other, and the screen went blank.

My brother's colleague was in a bad mood, and said "God, I hate that guy. He's such a prat" only to discover that just the video bit had disconnected, not the line, when the voice of the very peeved client emerged from the television: "I heard that."

 

[falling rain]

Now Graham we need more Rocky Horror details.

Mine is someone else really


Many years ago working for a large consultancy late on a Friday and a phone rings. Theres only me and one other fellah in the office. The phone is on an unccupied desk. I studiously ignore it. Eventually the other fellah wanders over (before remote pickup this) and picks it up, gave the firms name and says " Can I help you".

Very plummy voice starts to demand loads of reports, information etc.

Colleague: "I'm sorry, we have finshed for the weekend, could you put your request in writing and someone will deal with it next week?".

Plummy voice : "Do you know who I am?"

Colleague "No?"

Plummy voice "I am the managing director of our biggest client and you will do what I ask!"

Colleague "Do you know who I am?"

Plummy voice "No?"

Colleague "Well why don't you **** off then!". He then hung up and left.

I left a little later. Guess who security ID'd as the last bloke around on Friday in the ensuing witch hunt on Monday

Red

Classic

 

[falling rain]

.........then there was the time my Whippet had puppies and a family came around to see them with the intention of buying one. There was the father , mother and 2 young children and during polite conversation (as you do when someone comes round to look at your puppies) I noticed the mother had a bump around her stomach.....so I said "oh I see you're expecting another baby then? (trying to be all observant and receptive, perceptive etc )........again.......like the dude with the ears .........there was deathly silence and again..................2 rolls of tumble weed blew through my living room with the wind. She just replied with a simple 'No' and gave me a bit of a funny look......They left soon after without buying one of the puppies

 

[Zammo]

Not a story about me but this happened to someone who used to work at my place.

I work for a TV channel in transmission and we do long night shifts on our own.

Anyhow at the old building we worked at there used to be a shower. One night someone came in a bit early to relieve the guy on night shift and he was sat in transmission stark boll*ck naked! After much embarrassment the guy explained that he was taking a shower and heard an alarm going off to warn him that he needed to key a caption up and he simply didn't have any time to grab a towel and ran into the transmission room to key it up.



Hmmm chinny reckon!

 

[Buckshot]

.........then there was the time my Whippet had puppies and a family came around to see them with the intention of buying one. There was the father , mother and 2 young children and during polite conversation (as you do when someone comes round to look at your puppies) I noticed the mother had a bump around her stomach.....so I said "oh I see you're expecting another baby then? (trying to be all observant and receptive, perceptive etc )........again.......like the dude with the ears .........there was deathly silence and again..................2 rolls of tumble weed blew through my living room with the wind. She just replied with a simple 'No' and gave me a bit of a funny look......They left soon after without buying one of the puppies

I find it best to appear ignorant in this kind of situation!

 

[falling rain]

Not a story about me but this happened to someone who used to work at my place.

I work for a TV channel in transmission and we do long night shifts on our own.

Anyhow at the old building we worked at there used to be a shower. One night someone came in a bit early to relieve the guy on night shift and he was sat in transmission stark boll*ck naked! After much embarrassment the guy explained that he was taking a shower and heard an alarm going off to warn him that he needed to key a caption up and he simply didn't have any time to grab a towel and ran into the transmission room to key it up.



Hmmm chinny reckon!

Mmmmmm !!Not the old.......... "Not a story about me but this happened to someone who used to work at my place".........routine...... Come on Zammo....were all friends here ..............were you that guy who was getting relieved from night shift and didn't have time to grab a towel

 

[Jamie]

.........then there was the time my Whippet had puppies and a family came around to see them with the intention of buying one. There was the father , mother and 2 young children and during polite conversation (as you do when someone comes round to look at your puppies) I noticed the mother had a bump around her stomach.....so I said "oh I see you're expecting another baby then? (trying to be all observant and receptive, perceptive etc )........again.......like the dude with the ears .........there was deathly silence and again..................2 rolls of tumble weed blew through my living room with the wind. She just replied with a simple 'No' and gave me a bit of a funny look......They left soon after without buying one of the puppies

Did you audition as a character for Little Britain????

 

[bent-stick]

How about this.

I was asked by email whether a client would act as a site reference for another potential piece of work. I replied the client was a nightmare to work with, last minute changes, never appreciative of us going the extra mile etc, whinge whinge, whinge.

Just after I pressed send I realised I had typed the clients email address in the cc line so it would get looked up in the address book and I could copy it in to the mail.

Some people have no sense of humour...

 

[swyn]

Two old friends of mine used to work at the 3M hq in Bracknell. As trainee accountants they were on the same floor as the senior management and consequently shared the same 'gentlemans facilities'.
As boys we have all done this.... backing away from the urinal whilst still working just to see how far one can go..... Well they were doing this as a duo when the MD walks in.
The big question is how do you explain that to your boss. Still makes me chuckle!

Mods you can delete this if inappropriate!

 

[JonnyP]

Before I became a builder, I worked in an engineering workshop (yawn), there was a group of us of similar age and we took pride in getting the job done as well as a bit of banter now and then (as you do). But the boss decided we needed a foreman and the poor guy who got the job was twice our age and our banter fell flat on him. We eventually got fed up by being told what to do, by someone who we had taught the ropes, so my mate got a bucket of water and put it over the door to the workshop, when the foreman went up to see the boss one day, we thought that we would get him when he came back down. Anyway he came back down and walked through the doorway, followed closely behind by the boss, yes the boss got all the water over him. We all got written warnings for that one, was funny after though............... :umbrella:

 

[kaoss]

A mate and I were fishing a quiet part of the Lancaster canal a couple of years ago.
It had been raining and I had my fishing brolly set up.
I had just caught a bream, known locally as "snotties" because they are very slimey, and as I was cleaning the slime from my hands.
I just happend to mention ....(well lets just say I likened it to a certain part of a lady who generally works nights) when an old lady in tweeds ammerged along the tow path from the blind side of my umbrella.
For some reason she didn't look impressed